All the noise, noise, noise

I am convinced that Christmastime is the only time of year that radio stations are permitted to play 5 versions of the same song in the matter of a 2 hours and get a way with it.

'The B,' as we locals refer to it, plays continuous Christmas music starting (this year) the week before Thanksgiving. First off, that is friggin insanity. I mean, nothing puts me in the mood like a good holiday tune, but please dear God wait until the day after Thanksgiving to begin celebrating.

But to be honest, multiple plays and the early start of the music isn't what this post is about; it's really about the content of the song Christmas Shoes.

Driving home from work the other evening, I had the joy of hearing Christmas Shoes by some Christian rock band called NewSong (But, can you really call them a band? Think about it.) Call me heartless I don't care; I am going to say it anyway. It is a terrrrrrrrrible song.

Let's dissect this piece of crap for a minute:

His clothes were worn and old He was dirty from head to toe

Where is this kid's dad? I get it his mother is sick and dying and he is probably at the hospital with her, but seriously, he doesn't have time to give the kid a bath? I am sure there is someone in this family that could be taking care of this kid.

But Barista, this kid is poor!

He counted pennies for what seemed like years Then the cashier said Son, there's not enough here

Well I challenge your theory. Other than the fact that this kid is dirty and wearing worn clothes doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of people with money that look like they need a good scrubbing. Perhaps he is using up all of his piggy bank money to buy these shoes and didn't want to tell his dad. Or just maybe his dad is a little bitch and didn't want to give his son the money for the shoes.

Your point is now moot.

Back to the Dad. Where is he? Did this kid run away? Did he drop this kid off at the store? The song doesn't come out and say exactly how old this kid is supposed to be so one can only assume that he is a minor. So then why is he at, what I envision to be a, Walmart alone?


And about those shoes. When I first heard this song, I was envisioning some sort of a modest black dress shoe; maybe patent leather. However, according to the CD cover they are red spiky sling-backs. Where is the mother meeting Jesus? On a street corner in the bad part of town? Is Jesus her pimp or something?

This song is so bad it almost makes me hate Christmas.

Just some food for thought.

Your Daily Barista

Public (Dis)comfort: I. Want. One. Now!

The doormen at Tiffany (which is so conveniently located to my office...right next door!!) are wearing Tiffany Blue 'Tiffany & Co' cashmere scarves. I think I need a Tiffany Blue 'Tiffany & Co.' cashmere scarf.

Christmas, you're not too late. Perhaps the Capt can hook a girl up.

Wait! According to the site, Christmas you were too late! HUMBUG.

Let's all go to the lobby...

...on Christmas night (that is):

Sherlock Holmes

Who doesn't like a good Robert Downey Jr. film? I know I've said it 100x but once more the record: I will pay to watch him read the phone book! I love that man.



My only concern: Guy Ritchie hasn't made a good film since Snatch. And that was about 10 years ago.

and

the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassuss

That's hard to say, Parnassuss-iss-iss.



It's a Terry Guilliam, so you know it's gonna be a mind fuck. Come on, we all saw Fear and Loathing..., am I right? This looks like one of those films that one must see in the theaters on an amazing quality screen. Where do you find one of those in SoJo?


But seriously, Hollywood, wtf!!! It's aboot time some good films are coming out. When you have the nerve to ask me to spend $10 for the ticket only, it better be quality shit.

It finally seems that some awesome films are gearing up to be released in 2010:

• According to my sources (ok, the interweb) Jackson leaves a lot out of The Lovely Bones, but it still visually looks amazing.
  
  
• Saint John of Las Vegas looks pretty funny. Who doesn't like Steve Buscemi?
  
  
• Popi's other BFF Leo DiCaprico in Shutter Island. He will probably want to see that.
  
  
• Alice in Wonderland looks so sweet that I am getting a toothache! Another must see on a giant screen.
  
  
• IRONMAAAAAAAN Part Duex
  
  
• Oh, Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe have teamed up to remake Robin Hood. It sort of reminds me of Gladiator but that is cool, that movie was bad ass, especially in HD.
  

Don't be completely fooled. It looks like some crap is coming out as well:

• The A-Team. Aside from cutie Bradley Cooper playing Face, not sure this is going to be a winner. How can you not give Mr. T a job? I pity that fool.
  
  I will admit, I LOVED (that is right, I am bolding, all capsing, and italicizing) Star Trek and not cause Lil Kirk was cute (I kinda dug Lil Spock) it's because I am a Trekkie. So who knows I could be wrong on the whole A-Team remake.
  
  
• In The Spy Next Door, Jackie Chan is a nanny...and a spy. Didn't we all ready do this with the Hulkster?
  
  
• OK I know Benico Del Torro is The Wolfman, still, I have a feeling this is going to be like the DeNiro Frankenstein mess.
  
  
• I hate to say this, Date Night... it's probably going to be terrible. I don't know why Steve Carrell doesn't translate to the big screen, aside from 40 Year Old Virgin that is.
  
  
• Another Jackie Chan movie this one called the Karate Kid.
  
  So Hollywood has moved off naming movies exactly what they are about, such as my personal favorite, Fighting. Now they just ripe off names of other popular movies. I guess they are hoping some idiots will think it's the original Karate Kid.
  
  
• and I haven't even mentioned all of the Nick Cage bull crap getting released.
  

So choose wisely and Happy Viewing!

YDB

8 Crazzzzzzzy Nights

Today marks the first night of Hanukkah, so stuff yourself full of yummy Latkes, spin yourself silly playing Dreidel, pig out on Sufganiyot, and remember what the holiday is all about....

The holiday commemorates the rededication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem after the Jews' 165 B.C.E. victory over the Hellenist Syrians. Antiochus, the Greek King of Syria, outlawed Jewish rituals and ordered the Jews to worship Greek gods.

In 168 B.C.E. the Jews' holy Temple was seized and dedicated to the worship of Zeus.

Some Jews were afraid of the Greek soldiers and obeyed them, but most were angry and decided to fight back.

The fighting began in Modiin, a village not far from Jerusalem. A Greek officer and soldiers assembled the villagers, asking them to bow to an idol and eat the flesh of a pig, activities forbidden to Jews. The officer asked Mattathias, a Jewish High Priest, to take part in the ceremony. He refused, and another villager stepped forward and offered to do it instead. Mattathias became outraged, took out his sword and killed the man, then killed the officer. His five sons and the other villagers then attacked and killed the soldiers. Mattathias' family went into hiding in the nearby mountains, where many other Jews who wanted to fight the Greeks joined them. They attacked the Greek soldiers whenever possible.

Judah Maccabee and his soldiers went to the holy Temple, and were saddened that many things were missing or broken, including the golden menorah. They cleaned and repaired the Temple, and when they were finished, they decided to have a big dedication ceremony. For the celebration, the Maccabees wanted to light the menorah. They looked everywhere for oil, and found a small flask that contained only enough oil to light the menorah for one day. Miraculously, the oil lasted for eight days. This gave them enough time to obtain new oil to keep the menorah lit. Today Jews celebrate Hanukkah for eight days by lighting candles in a menorah every night, thus commemorating the eight-day miracle.

The Hanukkah Story: The History Channel

Happy Hanukkah to all of my readers!

All I want for Christmas

Last week my fellow Bloggers, Lizzie In Progress and Shannanigans, both posted about their Christmas wishes for the 2009 season. This week I decided to do the same.

My Christmas lists usually consist of the same things Sally Brown (Charlie's sister) wants: cash. 10s and 20s. But this year, I am kinda hoping for some boxes under the tree.

Sharpies!!!!


Yes that is right, I said Sharpies. In every color, every tip. I love Sharpies and I use them everyday at work. They are great for everything; writing, correcting proofs, making signage, labeling CDs, sketching, you name it!



A gift card to get my hair done


This I call one of those gifts of necessity. My hair is looking pretty weak at the moment. My little cousin J-Five told my stylist that my hair was two colors. I wish I could say that it was the comic stylings of a child, but it really is starting to look like it is two colors.

And Jackie if you are reading this: I am offering up my apologizes for the crappiness of my hair. But you are wonderful and I am hoping to be in to see you soon!



Veer Merch

I love Veer. They are my go to source for stock photos (at least when Clients are paying.)

I am also in love with all of their Merch and already own numerous items. My KERN zip up is a go to item in my weekend wardrobe, my typography hoodie that I can't seem to find at the moment, a corduroy messenger bag that they just randomly sent to me one day with a white Helvetica mug, and all of the Summer Activity Guides.

They have a lot of cool new items up that I could totally rock:

I love this necklace, however, it is no longer available. :(

A bad ass Uppercase Scarf.

A new CMYK Hoodie!

Confessions of an Advertising Man - David Ogilvy

I have heard of this book many times over the course of my career, but kept forgetting about it. A few weeks ago, I was watching past episodes of Mad Men and they mentioned the book. That mention reignited my interested and I promptly put in a request on Swaptree. However, it has yet to become available. Those who have read it said that regardless of its age, its content is still viable in today's advertising industry.

And finally....

A new giant purse

I have gone back to carrying a giant purse. I didn't want to, however, it is now out of a dire need to carrying a lot of things (some of you may have remembered this) ... again.

I bought the yellow Guess bag in the corner of the top image last year with my Christmas money. I got it for a great deal and it only cost me an extra $5. But after a year of almost non stop use (and cat kneading), it's pretty banged up. So a new giant bag, preferably single-strapped, is in order. I found this great one online. I believe it is a Marc Jacobs. Isn't it pretty??


I spotted this very pricey bag on the interwebbings earlier this season and since then have been looking for a more moderately priced knock off. I think this tartan plaid is a big thing for this season, I have been seeing it everywhere.


Happy Shopping!
YDB

Christmastime is Here....

...and boy do I love me some Christmastime.

For the month of December I will be dedicating my 3 Faves to all that is Christmas. And don't worry kiddies...they are already mapped out and will be uploaded in a timely manner. None of those late posts that haunted my November.

This year B101 started playing their Merry Tunes the week before Thanksgiving. That is just too insane. I don't even want to think about Christmas music until after I have gorged myself on all things Thanksgiving.

This was a hard decision to make, being that there are so many awesome Christmas tunes out there.

Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby and David Bowie



I wish that when I sit around in my Mr. Rodgers sweater David Bowie would come knocking on my door. Could you imagine? That would be totally bad ass.

"Sure David, we have a piano you can play just push the cat off of it first. You don't mind that it is out of tune and a few keys don't work. "... "No you can't leave."

I wonder if Crosby beat Bowie with a bag of Valencia oranges afterwords.....

Home for the Holidays - Perry Como



This song reminds me of Popi. He loves this song. You can always here him singing it while he is getting dressed in the mornings. It's pretty funny. He only knows the chorus.



Marshmallow World - Dean Martin



I just discovered this song last year and I must say...I absolutely love it. I loved it so much that I made this catchy little tune my ringtone! But what makes the song? It's Deano's drunk swagger throughout the entire piece. You just know that he was loaded while recording it and you know he didn't care!

Last Christmas - WHAM!

I don't even have to think twice about this one! Last Christmas is Fabulous with a capital "F." And now that I discovered there is a music video, oh God, it's even more amazing.



If you want to hear a pretty good and a some what more manly remake check, out Jimmy Eat World's Last Christmas. Now, I am not too sure what is going on in this video but I was strangely hypnotized. It's obliviously a high school project, "the girl who got away, but boo-hoo I want her back" is a common theme in high school video class projects. I should know, I was one of those aspiring filmmakers.



I would like to know your thoughts on this video. If I were his teacher, B-. First, great song choice, nice choice in clothing....Wii jacket. But Transformers....you are not winning any chicks back with that piece of crap. Next time bring some Love, Actually. Chicks love that movie plus it's all Christmasy.

Lorlita's Dancing Grandmom!

Lorlita's Grandmom is hilarious. I have never met her but her stories are always amazing. Here is a video Lorlita took of her (if my memory is correct) pissing off her husband by not getting in the car. There was no music playing, and she has never seen the dancing baby.

I attached it below but I urge everyone to click thru and watch it on YouTube to boost its 'Views.' Every week she calls Lorlita to see if her numbers went up. THIS JUST IN: I have just learned that she wants this video to get so many 'Views,' she'll be asked to go on The View. Let's help this awesome woman get to that couch and get interviewed by Whoopi!



YDB

Book Review Haiku: Haunted

Book Review Haiku: Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Poems. Short Stories.
Cringe worthy story telling
Nightmare box best one.

Did I mention the cover glows in the dark? Pretty bad ass.

My....5 Faves of the Week

I am a little behind in posting my favorite things. "A little" is a bit of an understatement. So let's start anew:

1. paleisthenewtan.com

It's the new People of Wal-Mart. I will admit some of them look (and probably are) very Photoshopped, but I don't care. You know what baffles me the most, it's not that these douchebags look like happy carrots, it's that ladies look as though they think these happy carrots are hot. How do you look at them and think "OMG, I totally wanna hook-up with him." I mean they look f-ing ridiculous. Then again, look at the chicks hanging all over them, they don't look to bright.



2. Mad Men

Mad Men is AMAZING! Everyone should be watching this show. This season's finale was incredible. It's funny, as a woman I should totally be on Team Betty, however, I can't help but have a soft spot in my heart for Don. Betty was such a bitch in the past few episodes. I mean, so he's slept with every woman he meets, he really does love Betty. Oh and the whole company situation got me totally pumped! Watching them take the reigns of their company and give the Brits the figurative finger, got me all pumped. Sigh, if only I could do that....

Contains Spoilers:


3. Google Doodles

I always get super excited when I log into Firefox and notice Google is using new Doodles. In honor of Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary, the Doodle Masters (I don't know if that is what they are called) came up with a great line of Monster themed Doodles:










To see more Google Doodles, check out this website.

By the way, for all of my readers in their late 20s, early 30s, do you know that Gordon is still alive and living on Sesame Street. I mean he looked old when I was a kid.




4. Andre Agassi wore a hair weave!

Andre Agassi has been all over the news the past few weeks. Apparently he wrote a tell all, Open: An Autobiography, in which he discloses many aspects of his life. His crappy marriage to Brooke Shields, the fact that he hated tennis is whole young life and career. But it's the revelation that he wore a hair weave that I find to be the most exciting. I mean meth addiction, smeth addition. I can turn on Intervention
any day of the week and see a meth addict. I mean, this is a weave!! It all makes sense, I always thought that it looked so ratty. He probably wore the sweatband just to keep it on. I may have to read his book to see if there are more weave stories.




5. Mario Kart Wii

I was very peeved that the Captain bought this game when we have groceries to buy and rent to pay. The first weekend we had it, the Capt. deepened his already cavernous butt template in the sofa. He would have played it non stop if I hadn't forced him out of the house to visit Grandmom Pocono.

Well, I must admit, I am totally hooked. Even though I am completely terrible at this game, I still love playing online with the nerds. I have yet to break 5th place. My favorite online player "The Cat Burglar." This "Burglar" is even worse that I am. Plus the Captain and I think "the Burglar" should change his name to the "Pussy Snatcher." I mean come on! It means the same thing, and yet so much more.

The best character to play as - King Boo.

Reason 1: I say in a terrible Forrest Gump accent "But King Boo you ain't got no legs." I mean how does a ghost drive a car?

Reason 2: When you pick him he does this sweet thing with his tongue. Which I must mimic whenever I chose him:

Polish Me...Indifferent

About nail polish!

Ladies it has been a while, a long while, since I have written a post reviewing a product. I will admit that this post has been sitting on the back burner of my mind for months, I just kept forgetting to write it.

Well I caved and here it is! The product in question: Sally Hansen Color Quick Fast Dry Nail Color Pen (whew, that's a mouth full!).

I admit I purchased this product on impulse. I was getting ready to head out to dinner with the Captain and his parents when I realized my nails weren't done. I usually don't care whether or not my nails are polished, but I always like to look put together when I meet up with his parents (please don't ask me why.) So walking around the local CVS, I thought "Fast Dry Nail Pen, I'd be able to do this in the car! Perfect." So I grabbed a pen, a bottle of nail polish remover, and a box of tissues...you never know.

I am so glad I had thought to buy nail polish remover....

The Color(s): There weren't that many, yet again when I bought this product it was new to the market. There could be loads of new colors now. I bought a rich looking burgundy.

Application: Brush tip is terrible. It is unlike the nice, smooth, and narrow brush that comes with the bottle of nail polish. The tip of this applicator, it thick with heavy dark bristles.

To get the nail polish into the tip, you have to press a button at the top of the applicator, much like a clickable pen. The only problem, uneven flow.

So with the uneven flow of nail polish and crappiness of the brush, the nail polish goes on extremely streaky. It takes MULTIPLE coats (5 easily) to get the entire nail covered. But I warn you, don't look at your nails in bright natural light. If you do you will see splotchy, uneven paint.

Oh and it makes a mess!! The polish drips easily. You have to keep the pen at a 90º angle in order to get the damn paint into the brush but if you are not careful it could drip. It also got all over the rim of the cap as I was putting the lid on and off in between nails, which then proceeded to get all over the table top.

Quick Dry my arse. Because of the multiple coats I was forced to use just to get the color I purchased, my nails were "gummy" for about 2 hours.

Pros: It's a great concept. Nail polish, in a pen, with a brush tip. But that is as far as this great concept goes.

Verdict: Don't bother. It's easier and your nails would look better by using a standard bottle of polish.

So Sally Hansen, you failed me again. I should have seen the signs, primarily your giant logo, that should have warned me to stay far away from this product. I have bought multiple products from you over the years, and I have hated all of them. Your paints are always so runny and they never go on easily.

If I were to recommend Nail Polish: OPI, Essie, and Funky Fingers are my favs.

OPI has the best colors hands down but my manicure will only last me 3 days (When done by a professional)



Essie has OK colors but that manicure can last up to 7-10 before chipping (When done by a professional. The same professional who uses the OPI and applied the same way.)



Funky Fingers has the best insane colors like hot pinks, royal blues, kelly greens. They cost less than 5 bucks each at Five Below The polish goes on amazingly in one coat and will last until I take it off (When I do them myself with no base or top coat.)

YDB

An Open Letter

Dear Thursday,

What the hell Thursday, you totally sucked balls. Your weather was shitty for the 4th day in a row. Your shitty weather gave me a migraine. Your shitty weather made me sleep in until 8:30 am!! Your shitty weather made the inside of my car wet when I was gassing up.
Your shitty weather allowed me to get rear-ended.

Now Bubbles has giant skid marks at the bottom of his boot! Now I have to figure out where I am going to find a random $500 bucks to fix him. Now I have to figure out how I am going to get to work while he's in the shop.


Thursday, fuck you and your shitty weather.

Your Daily Barista
** And your shitty weather broke my only goddamn umbrella.


Dear Friday,

You started out just like your shitty BFF Thursday; shitty weather, shitty headache, shitty sleeping in. However, despite your "Friday the 13th" title, you have turned out alright. The bosses left at 1:30pm. My intern and I were able to take some kick as pictures in our makeshift light box for an upcoming Christmas mailer. And the bus' money machine was broken so I got me a free ride to work..

Hooray for you Friday. You have made my week.

Kudos!

Your Daily Barista

Public Discomfort: Give that guy a raise! NOW!

SEPTA was on strike last wk & everyone bitched abt it. this a.m. there was a pile of human poo in the stairwell & 2nite it's gone. a SEPTA dude had 2 clean it. I don't blame that dude 4 striking. i mean he had 2 (somehow) pick that shit up. that man deserves all the $ he is asking 4. what a crappy job...pun so intended.

Book Review Haiku: Rant: The Oral Biography of Buster Casey

Since I am currently reading Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk, I thought I would share with you my thoughts on a book of his that I read a few years ago.

Book Review Haiku: Rant: The Oral Biography of Buster Casey by Chuck Palahniuk

Boy's rabid biting
Wall covered with green boogers
Thoroughly grossed out

Book available at Amazon.com

I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit E

In my 3 Faves of the Week, I mentioned how much Popi loves to go out for ice cream. I told you about the amazing milkshake I had (honestly I still have dreams about it) but I left out a key part of the story:

That night during dinner Popi turned to me and said, "So are we going out tonight?"

"I don't know, I just got home (I turn to look at the clock and see it's quarter after 8 and cringe) and I am pretty tired," I replied in between bites of my dinner.

"Let's go get ice cream? I can go for a sundae."

I looked at him and he had his signature goofy smile on his face and I melted. What's one quick ride to get him a sundae? So I told him that while I finished dinner, he should get dressed and get ready to go, and we'll leave as soon as I'm done.

Although I knew Nifty Fifties was going to packed with middle and high school kids with no jobs but a piss load of money to spend (oh, and a fancy car to drive), I decided we should go there so I can at least get a cup of coffee (getting a milkshake was the furthest thing on my mind.)

The entire 2 minute ride from my house, Popi went over the menu in his head and decided, "I think I'll get 1 scoop of strawberry ice cream."

"Whatever, you can get what you want, I'm paying. You just have to leave the tip," I said.

Luckily we are able to get counter seating.

I usually don't like a counter but I hate to take a table and only order a cup of coffee and a single scoop of ice cream. Sitting at the counter with Popi is an interesting experience. He turns into a kid in a candy store and wants whatever passes by him even if he doesn't know what it is.

After seeing a huge sundae go by with whip cream and wet walnuts he quickly changed his mind. He wanted that!

When the waitress showed up to take our order, he proceeded to order a glass of Root Beer.

Telling the waitress we needed another minute, I turned and looked at him (in the same manner that Jerry looks at Kenny in The Soup episode) with wild eyes and an exasperated look and said, "A Root Beer! ha-ha-I-don't-think-so Bania. That wasn't part of the deal. You have to get ice cream. If you wanted a soda I could've taken you to WaWa."

"But I don't really want ice cream, I just wanted to go out. We'll go out for ice cream next week."

"You're getting ice cream even if we have to take it home," I said laughing at the Seinfeldness of it.

The Soup
Season 6, Episode 7
Original Air Date: November 10, 1994

Waiter: have you decided? ...
Jerry: I’ll have the salmon.
Waiter: And you?
Bania: Ahh, you know what I think. I’m just going to have soup. Yeah, I’ll save the meal for another time.
Jerry: Another time? What other time?

So the waitress comes back and I ordered him a strawberry sundae fully loaded with the works and a Chunky Monkey milkshake for myself. Before the waitress left he grabbed her hand and said,"Oh and a nice cold Root Beer."

And do you know what?! That bastard ate the entire sundae and left the Root Beer.

YDB

3 Faves of the Week

10/26/09

Little Biff dressed as a dinosaur

Goddamn that kid is cute. I am so glad he's in my family.

Not sure why Popi named him Biff (after Biff in Death of a Salesman,) but it sure does make me laugh.

If only Lil Biff was walking I could've played this song as he walked house-to-house.

Daylight Savings

Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise ~ B. Franklin

Many moons ago, native Philadelphian, author, all around inventing bad ass Ben Franklin, had one of those "ahead of his time ideas" (Just like me. My Slanket: A Blanket with Sleeves idea preceded the Snuggie by mere weeks) came up with a satire about the French government taxing shutter use forcing the Frenchies get up earlier. You know to cash in on some sunshine.

Well I guess the our forefathers gave a big F-U to the idea and it was put off until the age of rails and communications. Something like the rail systems needed to be uniform for travel purposes.

I don't get it.

I mean regardless of the time, you can still travel. People cross time zones all the time and yet they continue to live. Why couldn't people travel by rail through different zones with out the extra hour (or lack of an extra hour.)? ~ Please comment below if you know the answer to that question. ~

So those folk rock loving New Zealanders proposed Modern DST (Daylight Savings Time) in order to have more time to fantasized about all the lovely ladies in the world. But then a Londoner came along and said "Whoa there New Zealand, you totally Bogarted our DST idea you A-holes." So the Brits took ownership of the idea because they claimed that too many people were sleeping through the larger part of a summer day.*

So thank you to New Zealanders (BTW, is the term "Kiwi" offensive? I've never met anyone from New Zealand so I haven't had anyone to ask.), not only have you given me the opportunity to sleep an extra hour on Sunday but you will inevitably force me to be super early to work on Monday because I'll have forgotten to turn my clock back in the car.

Oh, and when it comes to that Spring Forward bullshit - F.U.!

*Some facts came from (the always reliable) WikiPedia the rest I made up.

SModcast

Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier get high and talk about (VERY) random things. I had downloaded some episodes a while ago but really wasn't digging them. Having nothing to listen too at work this week and my iPod battery dead, I decided to give them a chance. Well my friends, I am happy to say that this is my new favorite podcast so check it out. It's not entirely safe for work, so beware.

YDB

Business in the Front, Party in the Back

My boss asked me to pick her up a copy of the latest Philadelphia Weekly (PW) and boy was I glad I did! Look at that cover! I had to do a double check to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me.

That is one beautiful mullet.

I love the sub-head, too: "Terry Oleson can't shake his reputation as a serial murderer"

Well Terry here is a bit of free advice: Cut. The. Mullet. Off! There problem solved. I guarantee no one will think you are a murder. I believe the mullet is one of the key accessories to the circa 1980 serial murder.

The same rules apply to you as they do to the man in the cape from yesterday:

1) you look FUCKING ridiculous
2) it never was a good idea
3) no one thinks you look good*


* Let me clarlify: The only people who think mullets look cool are those without mullets cause those without mullets like to ridicule those with mullets.

YDB

Public Discomfort: I don't trust a man in a cape.

at starbux in the bellevue and there is a man in a cape. and not a "i'm wearing my halloween costume" cape. its a cape cape.

-----

I know with Public Discomforts I usually leave as the original text, however, I feel this topic requires more discussion.

Who in their right minds thinks a man cape, WITH A HOOD, is a good idea. I mean come on. The dude not only looked incredibly ridiculous, but my God did he have an air of pretentiousness. Just based on looks I deduced that this idiot was a UArts student (almost makes me embarrassed to be a UArts Alum), possibly photography major. Although a theater major would be the obvious choice, he didn't have the annoying personality to be a theater major.

Anyway, here's a picture. I tried to take it incognito but the SOB kept moving. How dare he!

Check out that wing span!

He reminded me of the losers from that King of the Hill episode, "The Witches of East Arlen," where Bobby Hill discovers tarot cards. You know, the one where the main dude in the coven always says "resplendent"

And FYI to any man (regardless of age) reading this that owns a cape:

1) you look FUCKING ridiculous.
2) it never was a good idea
3) no one thinks you look good

A little Seinfeld tie-in:

From The Chinese Woman
Season 6; Episode 4

George: I don't trust men in capes.

Jerry: You can't cast aspersions on someone just because they're wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and let you say something bad about him.

George: Alright, Superman's the exception.

My 3 Faves of the Week

week of 10/19/09

Chunky Monkey Milkshake at Nifty Fifties

Every night that Popi is over he insists that I take him out for ice cream. I hate to admit it but usually don't take him. Not because I don't want to spend the time with him, it's just that I have just come home from work (7:30pm) and the last thing I feel like doing is going back out. But last Friday I relented and took him for ice cream. Unsure of what to get I ended up ordering a Chunky Monkey Milkshake. Oh mother of God that was the greatest milkshake I have ever drank/ate. It was banana, vanilla, chocolate, peanut buttery goodness topped of with tiny chocolate chips and shards of peanuts. It was so good I immediately texted 4 of my friends to tell them of its awesomeness. Go get one! Now! Run!

This weirdly non-Confucius Fortune

Probably about 3 years ago the Captain I ordered Chinese food at his apartment. So along with the 10,000 packages of duck sauce they give you, we threw the extra fortune cookie in the crisper in the fridge. Fast forward to present day, and your Daily Barista is awake and starving. Naturally there is no food in the Capt.'s abode, so I went on a scavenger hunt and that is when I found the lost cookie. After close inspection to make sure the package was still sealed, I opened it took out the little strip of paper and ate the cookie. The Neapolitan cookie (not sure when the Neapolitan craze hit the fortune cookie industry but I am so glad it did) was a tiny bit stale, but over all still tasted OK. As I digested the aging cookie, I took time to read my fortune. Then reread it to make sure I read it right the first time:

Matt Lauer

I have an unnatural crush on Matt Lauer. Why, I am not entirely sure. Let's face it, as Popi would say "He's no Brad Pitt" and rumor has it, he's a bit of a tool.

I don't care, I love (LOVE) Matt Lauer. One of my goals in life is to meet this man. I know what you are thinking, "Why don't you just stand outside the studio like a turista with a lame ass sign and you can meet him that way?" No way. I want to go on the show. Every idea I come up with starts with one question: will this get me on the Today Show? Secretly I think that is why I started this blog.

So why do I love you Lauer? Is it your snappy suits, is it your snarky attitude and dry sense of humor? Is it your germ-a-phob-ness? Or your obvious disgust when interviewing idiots (Deep down I know you wanted to punch that Illinois cop Drew Peterson right in the face. I know that you think he did it.) I love that watching you allows me to start statements with "Well, Matt told me today....." when discussing the news with my co-workers.

Thank you Mr. Lauer for delivering my news everyday and for brightening my early mornings. You're the best. I don't care that you can be a tool. Sometime one has to be a tool. And please consider my home or office as one of the Where in the World is Matt Lauer? locales. That would be bad ass.

Oh, and to Meredith, Al, and Ann? I love you all too. Ann you are so cute with your belted sweaters. Al with your inappropriate jokes that make me cringe (at times you are on par with Willard Scott.) And Meredith. You look like my mom (seriously, I find it freaky) and it makes me smile.

Click on the photos above to find their sources.

Book Review Haiku: Cocktails for Three

Book Review Haiku: Cocktails for Three by Madeleine Wickman (Sophie Kinsella)

What a piece of fluff
Candice was the best story
Just read the Shopaholic

Book available at Amazon.com

My 3 Faves of the Week

week of 10/12/09

The East Coast Fall Weather:

Coats. Awesome hats. Sweaters. Harvest Candy Corn. Uggs (say what you will.) Reds, browns, yellows, and all other autumnie colors. My hobo gloves. Asses of Fire (aka heated seats.) Spiced Apple Cider with Ginger Snap cookies. Cuddling under a blanket while I watch TV. Oh man do I love fall!!

Surprise! This isn't Jersey. It's from my Adventure in the ADKs

Nails by Vanessa

Vanessa is amazing. I have been a customer of hers for the past 3 years. She is the best waxer and manicurist in Center City. Located in a sweet little salon called Meringue. Salon owner David Willey is a avid collector of cartoon character memorabilia and always has killer music playing.

At Nails by Vanessa you won't sit in a row of foot baths, No sirree Bob! Your appointment with Vanessa is 1-on-1, you have her undivided attention for the length of your appointment.

As I have said, I have been a regular customer of Vanessa for the past few years and will continue to be for years to come. Her waxing style is so gentile. I am able to get my eyebrows waxed during my lunch break and return to work without the red, irritated skin evidence that I was getting from other (Pierre and Carlo. Oops did I name names) salons. Let's talk about manis/pedis (LB's ears just perked up!) her pedicures last FOREVER (FOREVER!) I went to her for a pedicure about a month and a half ago and let me tell you something sisters, I just took the polish off today! Manis are a different story for me at least. I am soooooo rough on my hands. I am not sure if it is because I am constantly typing, or playing with things, but I just can't keep a mani nice. Without fail I can ruin a manicure within minutes of leaving Vanessa's care. If she knew she would kill me. One of my favorite things about Vanessa is that she always has the latest colors in OPI and ESSIE polish and if you are looking for a certain color that she doesn't have, she will pick it up in time for your next visit.

Vanessa has other services like bikini waxing, facial waxing, she even will do a set of fake nails if you wish.

Please check her out next time you need some pampering. She is located at 1440 Lombard Street and does accept walk-ins (appointments are preferred). Her phone number is 215/731-0177. If you think I am playing favorites, check out her reviews on CitySearch (she still has a ton of reviews under her old address on Walnut St) or Yelp. Oh and one more thing...she is a CASH ONLY place (but there is an ATM around the corner.)

The Melrose Diner

Oh man the Melrose. What can one say about the Melrose Diner to someone who has never been there?

I love bringing first timers to the Mel. They are always surprised and a bit confused by the split booths. I always find myself saying "Yes strangers are going to sit there." or "you don't have to talk to them if you don't want to, but chances are they are going to talk to you." They do have a counter but (like in Seinfeld) I don't like sitting at the counter. The coup de grâce is getting into one of the two private booths. A booth where it fits two semi-comfortably. Three is a stretch.

The wait staff is miserable and I can't blame them. The Mel's clientele falls into 2 categories: high college students looking for late night grindage, and senior citizens who order one pancake and probably don't tip (cough, Popi.)

The food is touch and go. I like to stick with what I know at the Mel. Usually you say, "You can't go wrong with breakfast" but not at the Melrose. The French toast is thin and wet, the hash browns are cold and pale. So if I were you I would totally get the cheeseburger and fries (H2 if you remember when you used to have to order by number.) The burgers are always good and I personally think Melrose has the best french fries.

You must order dessert at this Diner. They have baking on premise and they are always delicious. I long for February! That is when they make their famous tart Cherry Pie (in honor of George Washington.) I am sure you will see a post about it when the time comes!

YDB

Public Discomfort: Why am I carrying a jump rope with me?

lost my gym card in my purse. realized one important thing today. i carry faaar too much shit on a daily basis. one positive today: found my most favorite hat!

Book Review Haiku: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Book Review Haiku: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

The 'North Pole' game sucks.
Drunkie is 'sick' again, sigh.
Poor Little Francie.

All books available on Amazon.com

What a crappy Creative Director!

What Creative Director would approve this idea:

Broad and Snyder Concourse

I was literally shocked when I saw this ad. I know that I don't want to associate my flying experience to a roller-coaster! I want it to be as calm and uneventful as possible. If I were on a plane and felt the need to flail my arms and scream because of the flight, AirTram would be receiving a VERY strongly worded letter.

I can't believe this concept had been approved by anyone.