Sweaty-Man Junk

For the past 5 days Captain Fantastic’s “starship” has been out of commission. He decided that it would be a good idea to replace the engine on the vehicle himself. He’s not a mechanic but he is rather mechanical. So in the interim I have been staying in his “love-nasium” and he has been driving me to/from work.

It’s been 5 days and today, day 5, I have hit my boiling point. I want my car back. I have learned first hand the meaning behind my mom’s phrase “I don’t like when others drive my car.” I used to think she was saying this to be snarky and to deter me from borrowing her Acura.

The Captain has funked up my car in the worst way. Every night he has been coming to pick me up covered (head to toe) in grease, grime, and a distinct odor of sweaty man junk. I told him “God damnit, you’re a mess. Look at you.” To which his reply was “I look like hard work and smell like man”

[As a side note: For the past 7 years that I have been driving VW Beetles (Oops! my secret is out), I always joke that if Bubbles (my car) was a human, it would be a homosexual male (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) It has a very feminine look but has the engine power of a real manly sports car. After the secretion of the Captain’s funk this past week, Bubbles will be playing for the other team. ]

During the ride home I could feel my anger rising. The dirt, the smell…the traffic. It was all affecting me in a way that had the potential of turning real ugly, real quick.

When we arrived home I had two options: 1) go upstairs and start a massive battle over his state-of-disarray and lack of respect for my car, or 2) go home.

I went home.

It took 7 Clorox wipes to get the initial layer of funk off of poor Bubbles’ interior. The smell was all that had lingered. To prevent it from seeping into my pores I drove the 20 minutes home with the windows open. It didn’t help. On the way back to his apartment I stopped at Wawa and picked up an air freshener, hoping that it will mask that noxious odor.

Now I am happy to say, that Bubbles smells of Strawberries with only the mild aroma of sweaty man junk.

The Captain better show Bubbles some TLC.

Your Daily Barista