Lorlita's Dancing Grandmom!

Lorlita's Grandmom is hilarious. I have never met her but her stories are always amazing. Here is a video Lorlita took of her (if my memory is correct) pissing off her husband by not getting in the car. There was no music playing, and she has never seen the dancing baby.

I attached it below but I urge everyone to click thru and watch it on YouTube to boost its 'Views.' Every week she calls Lorlita to see if her numbers went up. THIS JUST IN: I have just learned that she wants this video to get so many 'Views,' she'll be asked to go on The View. Let's help this awesome woman get to that couch and get interviewed by Whoopi!



YDB

Book Review Haiku: Haunted

Book Review Haiku: Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Poems. Short Stories.
Cringe worthy story telling
Nightmare box best one.

Did I mention the cover glows in the dark? Pretty bad ass.

My....5 Faves of the Week

I am a little behind in posting my favorite things. "A little" is a bit of an understatement. So let's start anew:

1. paleisthenewtan.com

It's the new People of Wal-Mart. I will admit some of them look (and probably are) very Photoshopped, but I don't care. You know what baffles me the most, it's not that these douchebags look like happy carrots, it's that ladies look as though they think these happy carrots are hot. How do you look at them and think "OMG, I totally wanna hook-up with him." I mean they look f-ing ridiculous. Then again, look at the chicks hanging all over them, they don't look to bright.



2. Mad Men

Mad Men is AMAZING! Everyone should be watching this show. This season's finale was incredible. It's funny, as a woman I should totally be on Team Betty, however, I can't help but have a soft spot in my heart for Don. Betty was such a bitch in the past few episodes. I mean, so he's slept with every woman he meets, he really does love Betty. Oh and the whole company situation got me totally pumped! Watching them take the reigns of their company and give the Brits the figurative finger, got me all pumped. Sigh, if only I could do that....

Contains Spoilers:


3. Google Doodles

I always get super excited when I log into Firefox and notice Google is using new Doodles. In honor of Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary, the Doodle Masters (I don't know if that is what they are called) came up with a great line of Monster themed Doodles:










To see more Google Doodles, check out this website.

By the way, for all of my readers in their late 20s, early 30s, do you know that Gordon is still alive and living on Sesame Street. I mean he looked old when I was a kid.




4. Andre Agassi wore a hair weave!

Andre Agassi has been all over the news the past few weeks. Apparently he wrote a tell all, Open: An Autobiography, in which he discloses many aspects of his life. His crappy marriage to Brooke Shields, the fact that he hated tennis is whole young life and career. But it's the revelation that he wore a hair weave that I find to be the most exciting. I mean meth addiction, smeth addition. I can turn on Intervention
any day of the week and see a meth addict. I mean, this is a weave!! It all makes sense, I always thought that it looked so ratty. He probably wore the sweatband just to keep it on. I may have to read his book to see if there are more weave stories.




5. Mario Kart Wii

I was very peeved that the Captain bought this game when we have groceries to buy and rent to pay. The first weekend we had it, the Capt. deepened his already cavernous butt template in the sofa. He would have played it non stop if I hadn't forced him out of the house to visit Grandmom Pocono.

Well, I must admit, I am totally hooked. Even though I am completely terrible at this game, I still love playing online with the nerds. I have yet to break 5th place. My favorite online player "The Cat Burglar." This "Burglar" is even worse that I am. Plus the Captain and I think "the Burglar" should change his name to the "Pussy Snatcher." I mean come on! It means the same thing, and yet so much more.

The best character to play as - King Boo.

Reason 1: I say in a terrible Forrest Gump accent "But King Boo you ain't got no legs." I mean how does a ghost drive a car?

Reason 2: When you pick him he does this sweet thing with his tongue. Which I must mimic whenever I chose him:

Polish Me...Indifferent

About nail polish!

Ladies it has been a while, a long while, since I have written a post reviewing a product. I will admit that this post has been sitting on the back burner of my mind for months, I just kept forgetting to write it.

Well I caved and here it is! The product in question: Sally Hansen Color Quick Fast Dry Nail Color Pen (whew, that's a mouth full!).

I admit I purchased this product on impulse. I was getting ready to head out to dinner with the Captain and his parents when I realized my nails weren't done. I usually don't care whether or not my nails are polished, but I always like to look put together when I meet up with his parents (please don't ask me why.) So walking around the local CVS, I thought "Fast Dry Nail Pen, I'd be able to do this in the car! Perfect." So I grabbed a pen, a bottle of nail polish remover, and a box of tissues...you never know.

I am so glad I had thought to buy nail polish remover....

The Color(s): There weren't that many, yet again when I bought this product it was new to the market. There could be loads of new colors now. I bought a rich looking burgundy.

Application: Brush tip is terrible. It is unlike the nice, smooth, and narrow brush that comes with the bottle of nail polish. The tip of this applicator, it thick with heavy dark bristles.

To get the nail polish into the tip, you have to press a button at the top of the applicator, much like a clickable pen. The only problem, uneven flow.

So with the uneven flow of nail polish and crappiness of the brush, the nail polish goes on extremely streaky. It takes MULTIPLE coats (5 easily) to get the entire nail covered. But I warn you, don't look at your nails in bright natural light. If you do you will see splotchy, uneven paint.

Oh and it makes a mess!! The polish drips easily. You have to keep the pen at a 90º angle in order to get the damn paint into the brush but if you are not careful it could drip. It also got all over the rim of the cap as I was putting the lid on and off in between nails, which then proceeded to get all over the table top.

Quick Dry my arse. Because of the multiple coats I was forced to use just to get the color I purchased, my nails were "gummy" for about 2 hours.

Pros: It's a great concept. Nail polish, in a pen, with a brush tip. But that is as far as this great concept goes.

Verdict: Don't bother. It's easier and your nails would look better by using a standard bottle of polish.

So Sally Hansen, you failed me again. I should have seen the signs, primarily your giant logo, that should have warned me to stay far away from this product. I have bought multiple products from you over the years, and I have hated all of them. Your paints are always so runny and they never go on easily.

If I were to recommend Nail Polish: OPI, Essie, and Funky Fingers are my favs.

OPI has the best colors hands down but my manicure will only last me 3 days (When done by a professional)



Essie has OK colors but that manicure can last up to 7-10 before chipping (When done by a professional. The same professional who uses the OPI and applied the same way.)



Funky Fingers has the best insane colors like hot pinks, royal blues, kelly greens. They cost less than 5 bucks each at Five Below The polish goes on amazingly in one coat and will last until I take it off (When I do them myself with no base or top coat.)

YDB

An Open Letter

Dear Thursday,

What the hell Thursday, you totally sucked balls. Your weather was shitty for the 4th day in a row. Your shitty weather gave me a migraine. Your shitty weather made me sleep in until 8:30 am!! Your shitty weather made the inside of my car wet when I was gassing up.
Your shitty weather allowed me to get rear-ended.

Now Bubbles has giant skid marks at the bottom of his boot! Now I have to figure out where I am going to find a random $500 bucks to fix him. Now I have to figure out how I am going to get to work while he's in the shop.


Thursday, fuck you and your shitty weather.

Your Daily Barista
** And your shitty weather broke my only goddamn umbrella.


Dear Friday,

You started out just like your shitty BFF Thursday; shitty weather, shitty headache, shitty sleeping in. However, despite your "Friday the 13th" title, you have turned out alright. The bosses left at 1:30pm. My intern and I were able to take some kick as pictures in our makeshift light box for an upcoming Christmas mailer. And the bus' money machine was broken so I got me a free ride to work..

Hooray for you Friday. You have made my week.

Kudos!

Your Daily Barista

Public Discomfort: Give that guy a raise! NOW!

SEPTA was on strike last wk & everyone bitched abt it. this a.m. there was a pile of human poo in the stairwell & 2nite it's gone. a SEPTA dude had 2 clean it. I don't blame that dude 4 striking. i mean he had 2 (somehow) pick that shit up. that man deserves all the $ he is asking 4. what a crappy job...pun so intended.

Book Review Haiku: Rant: The Oral Biography of Buster Casey

Since I am currently reading Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk, I thought I would share with you my thoughts on a book of his that I read a few years ago.

Book Review Haiku: Rant: The Oral Biography of Buster Casey by Chuck Palahniuk

Boy's rabid biting
Wall covered with green boogers
Thoroughly grossed out

Book available at Amazon.com

I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit E

In my 3 Faves of the Week, I mentioned how much Popi loves to go out for ice cream. I told you about the amazing milkshake I had (honestly I still have dreams about it) but I left out a key part of the story:

That night during dinner Popi turned to me and said, "So are we going out tonight?"

"I don't know, I just got home (I turn to look at the clock and see it's quarter after 8 and cringe) and I am pretty tired," I replied in between bites of my dinner.

"Let's go get ice cream? I can go for a sundae."

I looked at him and he had his signature goofy smile on his face and I melted. What's one quick ride to get him a sundae? So I told him that while I finished dinner, he should get dressed and get ready to go, and we'll leave as soon as I'm done.

Although I knew Nifty Fifties was going to packed with middle and high school kids with no jobs but a piss load of money to spend (oh, and a fancy car to drive), I decided we should go there so I can at least get a cup of coffee (getting a milkshake was the furthest thing on my mind.)

The entire 2 minute ride from my house, Popi went over the menu in his head and decided, "I think I'll get 1 scoop of strawberry ice cream."

"Whatever, you can get what you want, I'm paying. You just have to leave the tip," I said.

Luckily we are able to get counter seating.

I usually don't like a counter but I hate to take a table and only order a cup of coffee and a single scoop of ice cream. Sitting at the counter with Popi is an interesting experience. He turns into a kid in a candy store and wants whatever passes by him even if he doesn't know what it is.

After seeing a huge sundae go by with whip cream and wet walnuts he quickly changed his mind. He wanted that!

When the waitress showed up to take our order, he proceeded to order a glass of Root Beer.

Telling the waitress we needed another minute, I turned and looked at him (in the same manner that Jerry looks at Kenny in The Soup episode) with wild eyes and an exasperated look and said, "A Root Beer! ha-ha-I-don't-think-so Bania. That wasn't part of the deal. You have to get ice cream. If you wanted a soda I could've taken you to WaWa."

"But I don't really want ice cream, I just wanted to go out. We'll go out for ice cream next week."

"You're getting ice cream even if we have to take it home," I said laughing at the Seinfeldness of it.

The Soup
Season 6, Episode 7
Original Air Date: November 10, 1994

Waiter: have you decided? ...
Jerry: I’ll have the salmon.
Waiter: And you?
Bania: Ahh, you know what I think. I’m just going to have soup. Yeah, I’ll save the meal for another time.
Jerry: Another time? What other time?

So the waitress comes back and I ordered him a strawberry sundae fully loaded with the works and a Chunky Monkey milkshake for myself. Before the waitress left he grabbed her hand and said,"Oh and a nice cold Root Beer."

And do you know what?! That bastard ate the entire sundae and left the Root Beer.

YDB