Public Discomfort: I don't trust a man in a cape.

at starbux in the bellevue and there is a man in a cape. and not a "i'm wearing my halloween costume" cape. its a cape cape.

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I know with Public Discomforts I usually leave as the original text, however, I feel this topic requires more discussion.

Who in their right minds thinks a man cape, WITH A HOOD, is a good idea. I mean come on. The dude not only looked incredibly ridiculous, but my God did he have an air of pretentiousness. Just based on looks I deduced that this idiot was a UArts student (almost makes me embarrassed to be a UArts Alum), possibly photography major. Although a theater major would be the obvious choice, he didn't have the annoying personality to be a theater major.

Anyway, here's a picture. I tried to take it incognito but the SOB kept moving. How dare he!

Check out that wing span!

He reminded me of the losers from that King of the Hill episode, "The Witches of East Arlen," where Bobby Hill discovers tarot cards. You know, the one where the main dude in the coven always says "resplendent"

And FYI to any man (regardless of age) reading this that owns a cape:

1) you look FUCKING ridiculous.
2) it never was a good idea
3) no one thinks you look good

A little Seinfeld tie-in:

From The Chinese Woman
Season 6; Episode 4

George: I don't trust men in capes.

Jerry: You can't cast aspersions on someone just because they're wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and let you say something bad about him.

George: Alright, Superman's the exception.

My 3 Faves of the Week

week of 10/19/09

Chunky Monkey Milkshake at Nifty Fifties

Every night that Popi is over he insists that I take him out for ice cream. I hate to admit it but usually don't take him. Not because I don't want to spend the time with him, it's just that I have just come home from work (7:30pm) and the last thing I feel like doing is going back out. But last Friday I relented and took him for ice cream. Unsure of what to get I ended up ordering a Chunky Monkey Milkshake. Oh mother of God that was the greatest milkshake I have ever drank/ate. It was banana, vanilla, chocolate, peanut buttery goodness topped of with tiny chocolate chips and shards of peanuts. It was so good I immediately texted 4 of my friends to tell them of its awesomeness. Go get one! Now! Run!

This weirdly non-Confucius Fortune

Probably about 3 years ago the Captain I ordered Chinese food at his apartment. So along with the 10,000 packages of duck sauce they give you, we threw the extra fortune cookie in the crisper in the fridge. Fast forward to present day, and your Daily Barista is awake and starving. Naturally there is no food in the Capt.'s abode, so I went on a scavenger hunt and that is when I found the lost cookie. After close inspection to make sure the package was still sealed, I opened it took out the little strip of paper and ate the cookie. The Neapolitan cookie (not sure when the Neapolitan craze hit the fortune cookie industry but I am so glad it did) was a tiny bit stale, but over all still tasted OK. As I digested the aging cookie, I took time to read my fortune. Then reread it to make sure I read it right the first time:

Matt Lauer

I have an unnatural crush on Matt Lauer. Why, I am not entirely sure. Let's face it, as Popi would say "He's no Brad Pitt" and rumor has it, he's a bit of a tool.

I don't care, I love (LOVE) Matt Lauer. One of my goals in life is to meet this man. I know what you are thinking, "Why don't you just stand outside the studio like a turista with a lame ass sign and you can meet him that way?" No way. I want to go on the show. Every idea I come up with starts with one question: will this get me on the Today Show? Secretly I think that is why I started this blog.

So why do I love you Lauer? Is it your snappy suits, is it your snarky attitude and dry sense of humor? Is it your germ-a-phob-ness? Or your obvious disgust when interviewing idiots (Deep down I know you wanted to punch that Illinois cop Drew Peterson right in the face. I know that you think he did it.) I love that watching you allows me to start statements with "Well, Matt told me today....." when discussing the news with my co-workers.

Thank you Mr. Lauer for delivering my news everyday and for brightening my early mornings. You're the best. I don't care that you can be a tool. Sometime one has to be a tool. And please consider my home or office as one of the Where in the World is Matt Lauer? locales. That would be bad ass.

Oh, and to Meredith, Al, and Ann? I love you all too. Ann you are so cute with your belted sweaters. Al with your inappropriate jokes that make me cringe (at times you are on par with Willard Scott.) And Meredith. You look like my mom (seriously, I find it freaky) and it makes me smile.

Click on the photos above to find their sources.

Book Review Haiku: Cocktails for Three

Book Review Haiku: Cocktails for Three by Madeleine Wickman (Sophie Kinsella)

What a piece of fluff
Candice was the best story
Just read the Shopaholic

Book available at Amazon.com

My 3 Faves of the Week

week of 10/12/09

The East Coast Fall Weather:

Coats. Awesome hats. Sweaters. Harvest Candy Corn. Uggs (say what you will.) Reds, browns, yellows, and all other autumnie colors. My hobo gloves. Asses of Fire (aka heated seats.) Spiced Apple Cider with Ginger Snap cookies. Cuddling under a blanket while I watch TV. Oh man do I love fall!!

Surprise! This isn't Jersey. It's from my Adventure in the ADKs

Nails by Vanessa

Vanessa is amazing. I have been a customer of hers for the past 3 years. She is the best waxer and manicurist in Center City. Located in a sweet little salon called Meringue. Salon owner David Willey is a avid collector of cartoon character memorabilia and always has killer music playing.

At Nails by Vanessa you won't sit in a row of foot baths, No sirree Bob! Your appointment with Vanessa is 1-on-1, you have her undivided attention for the length of your appointment.

As I have said, I have been a regular customer of Vanessa for the past few years and will continue to be for years to come. Her waxing style is so gentile. I am able to get my eyebrows waxed during my lunch break and return to work without the red, irritated skin evidence that I was getting from other (Pierre and Carlo. Oops did I name names) salons. Let's talk about manis/pedis (LB's ears just perked up!) her pedicures last FOREVER (FOREVER!) I went to her for a pedicure about a month and a half ago and let me tell you something sisters, I just took the polish off today! Manis are a different story for me at least. I am soooooo rough on my hands. I am not sure if it is because I am constantly typing, or playing with things, but I just can't keep a mani nice. Without fail I can ruin a manicure within minutes of leaving Vanessa's care. If she knew she would kill me. One of my favorite things about Vanessa is that she always has the latest colors in OPI and ESSIE polish and if you are looking for a certain color that she doesn't have, she will pick it up in time for your next visit.

Vanessa has other services like bikini waxing, facial waxing, she even will do a set of fake nails if you wish.

Please check her out next time you need some pampering. She is located at 1440 Lombard Street and does accept walk-ins (appointments are preferred). Her phone number is 215/731-0177. If you think I am playing favorites, check out her reviews on CitySearch (she still has a ton of reviews under her old address on Walnut St) or Yelp. Oh and one more thing...she is a CASH ONLY place (but there is an ATM around the corner.)

The Melrose Diner

Oh man the Melrose. What can one say about the Melrose Diner to someone who has never been there?

I love bringing first timers to the Mel. They are always surprised and a bit confused by the split booths. I always find myself saying "Yes strangers are going to sit there." or "you don't have to talk to them if you don't want to, but chances are they are going to talk to you." They do have a counter but (like in Seinfeld) I don't like sitting at the counter. The coup de grâce is getting into one of the two private booths. A booth where it fits two semi-comfortably. Three is a stretch.

The wait staff is miserable and I can't blame them. The Mel's clientele falls into 2 categories: high college students looking for late night grindage, and senior citizens who order one pancake and probably don't tip (cough, Popi.)

The food is touch and go. I like to stick with what I know at the Mel. Usually you say, "You can't go wrong with breakfast" but not at the Melrose. The French toast is thin and wet, the hash browns are cold and pale. So if I were you I would totally get the cheeseburger and fries (H2 if you remember when you used to have to order by number.) The burgers are always good and I personally think Melrose has the best french fries.

You must order dessert at this Diner. They have baking on premise and they are always delicious. I long for February! That is when they make their famous tart Cherry Pie (in honor of George Washington.) I am sure you will see a post about it when the time comes!

YDB

Public Discomfort: Why am I carrying a jump rope with me?

lost my gym card in my purse. realized one important thing today. i carry faaar too much shit on a daily basis. one positive today: found my most favorite hat!

Book Review Haiku: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Book Review Haiku: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

The 'North Pole' game sucks.
Drunkie is 'sick' again, sigh.
Poor Little Francie.

All books available on Amazon.com

What a crappy Creative Director!

What Creative Director would approve this idea:

Broad and Snyder Concourse

I was literally shocked when I saw this ad. I know that I don't want to associate my flying experience to a roller-coaster! I want it to be as calm and uneventful as possible. If I were on a plane and felt the need to flail my arms and scream because of the flight, AirTram would be receiving a VERY strongly worded letter.

I can't believe this concept had been approved by anyone.