They Spouted...About ME!

One of the best features in my local newspaper, The Cape May County Herald, is the Spout Off. The Spout Off gives a platform for crotchety old people, allowing them to voice their distaste for the community behind the mask of anonymity. 

Arguably, it is THE BEST feature in the entire paper. Well, next to The Grid.

Let me just digress for a moment. The Grid is glorious. It is the go to guide for Cape May County. During the height of the summer, it is a two page spread listing each bar and its nightly entertainment. I always say the saddest day of the year is when The Grid down grades to a quarter page in the off season.

But back to the Spout Off. To get an idea of what the Spout Off is, here are few of last week's complaints:

North Wildwood - Many of us locals are resentful of the Shoobies who are trying to take over over town. That is why many of us proudly display Dallas Cowboys or Pittsburgh Steelers decals on the back windows of our pickup trucks. I would rather support a team from anywhere other than Philly.

What this Spouter seems to forget, that without the Shoobies (Shoobie = a tourist) their City would be nothing. The Wildwoods were built by these Shoobies. Get over it.

Court House - Hey Dennis Township, enough with the ATV spouts already. Every week it's the same thing. Can't you start a new topic?

Those crazy Dennis Township people really hate ATVs! One week someone actually complained that the noise was damaging her newborn's ears. While the baby was sleeping. Inside the house. Away from the ATVs.

Wildwood - Mayor Troiano wants to fight property assessments that were lower and Commissioner Bryon wants to do a city wide reassessment which will lower all property assessments. Do they talk to each other?

Let's set the record straight. Mayor Troiano was thrown out of office then re-elected the following election. They have no right to complain. 

So imagine my chagrin when The Captain read this aloud:

 source

Holy crap, that is about me! ME! Someone is spouting about me. How could that be? I am a good neighbor. I am thoughtful when shopping in my local stores. I always put my groceries back in their proper place! I always hold the door open for these crotchety old people when entering and exiting Wawa. How could this be about me?

BINGO! Literally, it's about the time I played Bingo with my friends M and S.  

After our plans to play "cranes" at Gateway 26 fell through (I didn't get the memo that it would only be open on weekends) and with nothing else open, we decided to hit the local fire hall for its weekly Bingo Night.

It was in Game 3 that things got nasty and the true color of my neighbors came to the surface. All of a sudden M yelled Bingo! We were ecstatic-laughing and cheering. During our little celebration, the elderly woman in a visor/fanny pack combo turns to us and says "YEAH! Well I gots Bingo too hunny!"  

We didn't know how to response to that remark. The three of us looked at each other with that "WTF lady" look, went about our celebration, and collected our fifty-dollar pay out!

'Twenty dolla bills, ya'll!'

We didn't realize, until we saw the Spout above (a month later), that she meant she had Bingo on that hand. That's too bad. Guess she should have focused her energy on getting the attention of the organizers rather than pushing her negative vibes on to us. 

Villas - To the anonymous Bingo Spouter back in November: See you next week! GAME. ON. Bitches! 

Your Daily Barista