I Thought "You'd Do Anything for Love..."

But apparently spending the rest of your life with someone and being happy was the "...but I won't do that" part.

God Meatloaf, you are such a jerk!

OK, so I am a little behind the times on this one. To be accurate, I am 31 years behind the times. I recently (re)discovered Paradise By the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf (from this point on, I will refer to Meatloaf as Mr. Loaf.)

Tux - Check
Long hair, wind machine- Double Check
Sweaty brow - Check

Scarf - Check

This song isn't entirely new to me. My parents, primarily my mother who shaped my musical upbringing, were never real fans of Mr. Loaf. I can remember hearing this song on our local rock stations as I was growing up, but the stain from his newer music at the time, the I Would Do Anything for Loves, made me turn the channel whenever his music was played.

On a side note: What is it with this man and bats coming out of hell? Anyone?

About a month or so ago, I was sifting through my iTunes looking for some new blood for my rotation and I decided to give Mr. Loaf a shot. If I skip him 3 or more times he would get the cut. I figured "I like Meatloaf, both the man and the meal, and I miss him and his sweaty, scarf waving, operatic duets."

I {heart} Meatloaf. Check out this recipe.

So a few nights ago I was driving to the Captain's house. Unable to listen to the pure crap that followed a strangely fascinating Delilah dedication, I switched to my iPod. After rocking out to some stellar tracks from Heart, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Paul McCartney, Mr. Loaf and Paradise by the Dashboard Light made his debut.

Since it had been a while since I had listened to the song, I decided to pay attention to the lyrics. And they were profound. At the beginning of the song I remember thinking "Awe it's such a sweet little story. Mr. Loaf has the girl of his dreams. Good for him."

I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in sight
And I never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night

As the song progressed my thoughts began to change. Mr. Loaf was getting a little pushy.

And I gotta let ya know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well I wanna make your motor run

Then, oh my God, it really did hit me like a tidal wave. I think I even gasped in horror. Meat is such a JERK.

No not Meatloaf. Not Bob. Not the gentle, testicular cancer survivor with boobs from Fight Club.

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

I mean seriously, what a shitty thing to think and say. He rather die than stay committed to this woman. How terrible?

When I finally arrived at the Captain's and told the story of my discovery he looked at me dumbfounded at the thought that I just realized that Mr. Loaf is a jerk. "Maybe it's not Meat's fault. Maybe the woman is a total bitch. Did you ever think about that?" he said to me. "Where have you been that you just made this discovery? This is old news."

Apparently I was living in a happy place where nothing named Meatloaf can do you harm.






Paradise by the Dashboard Light
Meatloaf
off of Bat Out of Hell


Your Daily Barista



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