Alice in Underland?

I saw Alice in Wonderland on it's opening weekend. My intentions going into the film was to write about it immediately following the viewing, but I left the theater "curiouser and curiouser."

Source

I needed this film to sit and ferment in my mind before I could write about it. I had expected to LOVE it. Going in it had all of the ingredients of a perfect film for me: Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, arresting visuals, and a plot that was reminiscent of one of my favorite movies - The Return to Oz. But after the final credit swept up the screen, I wasn't wowed or even completely impressed by what I had just experienced. I didn't feel as blown away as I did after watching the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

Let's just say: shock therapy, a talking chicken, a man wearing ruby slippers, and a witch with multiple heads. It's one of my favorite movies from the 80s. I will say, take it on it's own, forget all the awesomeness of the Wizard of Oz. It is a VERY different and strange film. Not many people like it.

Our trip to see Alice was a belated Valentines Day present from the Captain. We aren't ones to celebrate sappy Hallmark holidays, but this year I decided I wanted to go to the movies (something he and I very rarely do) to see Alice. It was an easy sell, primarily because the Captain still had a $25 gift certificate for AMC that he received as a Christmas present a few years ago (see we never go to the movies.)

2 3D evening movie tickets: Free (Thank you Captain's Godmother!)
Sign informing me "No Weapons Allowed": Priceless

We met fellow 3D virgin, Lorlita and had what the Captain liked to call a "A 3D Threeway." Classy!

Back to the movie review. So you were wondering what I didn't like about the film...

Firstly, I wasn't sold on the 3D aspect. Because of my actual glasses, the 3D glasses felt a bit bulky and were uncomfortable to wear. I found myself taking them off throughout the film to give my eyes a rest. Towards the end my eyes actually hurt when I blinked. Disappointment 1.

I also thought the coloring the film looked really washed out and in some scenes fuzzy. Having never seen a 3D movie, I didn't know if this was a effect of the 3D technology or if it were how Burton decided to film it.

With the desaturated look of the Pre-Underland scenes, I was really expecting the color in Underland to be mind blowing, similar to how Oz looked to Dorothy as she opened the front door of her dingy, sepia farmhouse. But it wasn't. Disappointment 2.

But what irked me the most about the 3D effect, was the few scenes that Burton added to remind you that you were watching a movie in 3D. A flower in the foreground that Alice's mother (or future mother-in-law, not sure) reaches for, a few scenes in Underland where something would jut out to the audience. I thought Burton was better than that. I thought he wouldn't resort to such sophomoric details. It's like "I get it. I'm in a 3D movie, things can jump out at me. Ooooo, how exotic." I'm not a 9 year old, I don't need tree branches "poking" me in the face. Disappointment 3.

The pace story felt completely rushed. It seemed no sooner they got you to Underland, the sooner they tried to get you out. Alice was working on a tight time frame, but the rushed pace seemed to be due to editing and not the storyline. I wanted to take my time with the movie and enjoy the sets, costuming, and characters like Burton did with Edward Scissorhands. You felt like you were part of that no name town and that you cared what happened to Edward and his adoptive family. Not so with Alice. By the end of the film I felt no real connection with her nor did I care about the fate of Underland. Disappointment 4.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a true film buff. I couldn't tell you while watching a movie if it was shot on traditional film or digital. Or if the cinematographer also worked on such and such a film. But I do see a lot of films, stay up-to-date on the entertainment industry, and know the works of directors/actors fairly well. And I do appreciate the talent that goes into movie making. So to help nurture my quest for useless knowledge entertainment by subscribing to a number of film review podcasts, most notably Scene Unseen (which I am sad to say is no longer recording. Please come back Chris and Jimmy!). More recently, I have started listening to Filmspotting. If I am going to be honest it is not as good as Scene Unseen, but they brought up an interesting idea in their review of Alice in Wonderland which I will leave you with:

If you heard that it was going to be released in 1994 (after Beetlejuice) with Winona Ryder playing Alice and all of the characters in Wonderland were made using the same-stop motion technology used in Beetlejuice, would you feel differently?

Think about it.


YDB



Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.

And watch out for the WHEELERS!

007: That's What She Said

I am calling myself out on this one. I was talking about the 10th floor bathroom door lock with my bosses when I said this:

"It is hard to get it in there and sometimes you have to giggle it"

Unfortunately my bosses aren't quick on the draw (oops, That's What She [also] Said, hahaha.)

YDB

I hope that's salt coming out of that!

This past weekend my semi roomie Lorlita (I say 'semi' because she is over a lot but doesn't pay rent. She does bring her own beer and cooks for me from time to time) and I went into a thrift shopping/flea marketing induced high. Ok, well we were probably high from the musty smell of other people's dirty belongings, but it was still exhilarating.

I have been living in the Captain's UPS brown infused man cave for about 5 1/2 months and I can't take it any more. No curtains on the sliders (which overlook the parking lot), pictures in broken frames, plain white wall (except if you are in the bathroom. In there the white walls get these bloody, amber looking streaks. Not sure what the fuck it is, but luckily you can just mop them off. Sometimes I feel like I am living in the hotel from The Shining.)

Well all of this is about to change my friends! There is lady living in this place and this place needs color! And the saturated colors pouring out of the TV while he plays Mario Kart is not enough.

Here are my proposed additions to the cave:

You can see an abundance of picture frames. As I said, I can't look at white walls any longer.

Step 1: Buy Curtains.
I completely get it. He grew up in a house with no curtains, but that house was on a farm and the windows over looked a sweet in ground pool with beautiful landscaping and farmlands to the horizon. Note that even at his parent's new pad down at the Jersey Shore, the situation (and no, not this Situation) is still the same.

Our place overlooks a grummy parking lot where I have witnessed a drunk man peeing next to the dumpster. So curtains were bought.

Yes! That is a Wendy's wig decal on our door. Yes, I stole it off the window at the Wendy's in Cape May Courthouse. and No, I totally don't regret it. Look at all the fun it provides...

Step 2: Artwork.
I am just going to say it. The Captain and I both have an eye for photography. Our iPhotos contain some amazing photos that we have taken during our many adventures. So buying artwork is totally out of the question. If I am going to take the time to display art in my home, it's going to be my own.

Step 3: Hooks!

Marla: Because I have a very radical idea. Can you handle it?

Jerry: Try me.

Marla: Here's what I'm proposing. We eliminate all this. The hangers, the bar, the shelves. And in its place install a series of hooks. We'll put everything on hooks.

Jerry: Everything?

Marla: Everything. The shirts, pants, sport jackets, pajamas. We could get eighty hooks on here.

Jerry: You're quite mad, you know.

The Virgin
Season 4
Episode 50
Orignal Air Date: 11-11-92

It's simple. We have a giant walk-in closet that really can't be used as an actual coat hanging closet. It's more of a storage room.  So I need a place to put coats instead of the backs of dining room chairs. My solution: Hooks.

I was thinking of making a cool coat rack using funky hooks, but you would be surprised how hard it is to find funky hooks. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time, but one of the thrift shops we went to had drawer knobs that would have worked wonderfully. I think I may have to make a stop on my way home from work one night.

Step 4: Vases.

This was a French Limonade bottle that I bought yesterday. The Limonade was just OK, but I thought the bottle would make a nice vase for the bathroom.

Sorry for the blurry image, not digging the camera on my new cell phone.

This is a sweet little mason style jar with a strawberry on the front. It's probably not old, but I thought it would make a cute vase, and you know, I was totally right.

Step 5: Wine rack.
Our wine consumption has skyrocketed in 2010. Primarily because my parents bought 2 cases of wine for Christmas and I stole about 5 bottles from their stash (Sorry mom, but it's true. Better call Intervention.) So now that all the wine is gone and I have one lonely bottle of Fat Bastard lying around I decided I needed a wine rack.

BAM!

Lookie at what I found at the thrift shop. A brand new hip, Target wine rack.

Mom! Better go see Jamie at the Liquor Hut (it was formally a Pizza Hut), my Fat Bastard is looking a little lonely =(

Step 6: Random fabulous finds.

Lorlita found a wonderful belt buckle for our friend John Boy. I am sure he will love it. Lorlita, also, found a cute little dish that she will be using it for jewelry. Unfortunately I don't have a photo of it. Maybe one day I will.

I totally wanted to buy this thing. It is so kitschy and amazing. But alas, the Captains' quarters are getting a little snug since I moved in. But it's a bad ass Hi-Fi and cocktails cabinet. I mean come on. Cocktails! Who doesn't want a swanky way to showcase their alcohol problem?

And look! I could listen to radio from London, Germany, the Vatican and Brazzaville. That's right Brazzaville, the Republic of the Congo.

Then Lorlita presented me with this:






Wait for it.....










Just look at it! Of course we had to buy it. It's a mushroom salt shaker that looks strangely like a penis. So naturally we had to put it in our pants, see:

Don't worry folks, it's only a 70s inspired mushroom salt shaker in his pants. He's really not that happy to see you.

So Lorlita, that must be why your still single.  

Let me know of your sweet thrift shop finds!

YDB 

006: All Harry Potter Edition That's What She Said: Part Deux

Nerdy fan art...and no. It's not mine. Mine would be so much cooler.

It is with a great sadness that I announce that I am on the final book of the Harry Potter series. I am dreading the end of this series. I feel like these little witches and wizards are a much cooler, more productive version of my own family. I really want to be a wizard. Now that I am living on my own I have realized that wielding magical powers would make my life so much easier. Just imagine, I could say Toiletous Scrubious and the toilet would be clean. That would be so amazing.

Hello Malfoy, look who hit puberty!
I hate to admit this, but I a big fan of Malfoy and Snape; especially in The Half-Blood Prince.

But back to the topic-at-hand. I was so excited to see the return of the perverted side of Harry Potter with this last book. I was disappointed with the serious lack of TWSSs in the Half-Blood Prince, but never fear, The Deathly Hallows is chalk full of TWSS jokes!

I realized the following: (3 Wizards + 3 Wands) x housework = Comedy Gold.
Page 8 - Malfoy put his hands into his robes, withdrew a wand...

Page 8 - he expected to receive Voldermort's wand in exchange for his own

Page 113 - Ron discussing Harry's birthday present Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches, "You'd be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either."

Edited on 4/19/10
Page 454 - Grab hold and make it tight. I'll do Potter!

Also check out this video that I stumbled upon on Current.com. Hilarious!



YDB

Still need to read the Half-Blood Prince or see the movie (the best so far, in my humble opinion), just order them through Amazon and you will be in the Wizarding World of Hogwarts in no time!