I hope that's salt coming out of that!

This past weekend my semi roomie Lorlita (I say 'semi' because she is over a lot but doesn't pay rent. She does bring her own beer and cooks for me from time to time) and I went into a thrift shopping/flea marketing induced high. Ok, well we were probably high from the musty smell of other people's dirty belongings, but it was still exhilarating.

I have been living in the Captain's UPS brown infused man cave for about 5 1/2 months and I can't take it any more. No curtains on the sliders (which overlook the parking lot), pictures in broken frames, plain white wall (except if you are in the bathroom. In there the white walls get these bloody, amber looking streaks. Not sure what the fuck it is, but luckily you can just mop them off. Sometimes I feel like I am living in the hotel from The Shining.)

Well all of this is about to change my friends! There is lady living in this place and this place needs color! And the saturated colors pouring out of the TV while he plays Mario Kart is not enough.

Here are my proposed additions to the cave:

You can see an abundance of picture frames. As I said, I can't look at white walls any longer.

Step 1: Buy Curtains.
I completely get it. He grew up in a house with no curtains, but that house was on a farm and the windows over looked a sweet in ground pool with beautiful landscaping and farmlands to the horizon. Note that even at his parent's new pad down at the Jersey Shore, the situation (and no, not this Situation) is still the same.

Our place overlooks a grummy parking lot where I have witnessed a drunk man peeing next to the dumpster. So curtains were bought.

Yes! That is a Wendy's wig decal on our door. Yes, I stole it off the window at the Wendy's in Cape May Courthouse. and No, I totally don't regret it. Look at all the fun it provides...

Step 2: Artwork.
I am just going to say it. The Captain and I both have an eye for photography. Our iPhotos contain some amazing photos that we have taken during our many adventures. So buying artwork is totally out of the question. If I am going to take the time to display art in my home, it's going to be my own.

Step 3: Hooks!

Marla: Because I have a very radical idea. Can you handle it?

Jerry: Try me.

Marla: Here's what I'm proposing. We eliminate all this. The hangers, the bar, the shelves. And in its place install a series of hooks. We'll put everything on hooks.

Jerry: Everything?

Marla: Everything. The shirts, pants, sport jackets, pajamas. We could get eighty hooks on here.

Jerry: You're quite mad, you know.

The Virgin
Season 4
Episode 50
Orignal Air Date: 11-11-92

It's simple. We have a giant walk-in closet that really can't be used as an actual coat hanging closet. It's more of a storage room.  So I need a place to put coats instead of the backs of dining room chairs. My solution: Hooks.

I was thinking of making a cool coat rack using funky hooks, but you would be surprised how hard it is to find funky hooks. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time, but one of the thrift shops we went to had drawer knobs that would have worked wonderfully. I think I may have to make a stop on my way home from work one night.

Step 4: Vases.

This was a French Limonade bottle that I bought yesterday. The Limonade was just OK, but I thought the bottle would make a nice vase for the bathroom.

Sorry for the blurry image, not digging the camera on my new cell phone.

This is a sweet little mason style jar with a strawberry on the front. It's probably not old, but I thought it would make a cute vase, and you know, I was totally right.

Step 5: Wine rack.
Our wine consumption has skyrocketed in 2010. Primarily because my parents bought 2 cases of wine for Christmas and I stole about 5 bottles from their stash (Sorry mom, but it's true. Better call Intervention.) So now that all the wine is gone and I have one lonely bottle of Fat Bastard lying around I decided I needed a wine rack.

BAM!

Lookie at what I found at the thrift shop. A brand new hip, Target wine rack.

Mom! Better go see Jamie at the Liquor Hut (it was formally a Pizza Hut), my Fat Bastard is looking a little lonely =(

Step 6: Random fabulous finds.

Lorlita found a wonderful belt buckle for our friend John Boy. I am sure he will love it. Lorlita, also, found a cute little dish that she will be using it for jewelry. Unfortunately I don't have a photo of it. Maybe one day I will.

I totally wanted to buy this thing. It is so kitschy and amazing. But alas, the Captains' quarters are getting a little snug since I moved in. But it's a bad ass Hi-Fi and cocktails cabinet. I mean come on. Cocktails! Who doesn't want a swanky way to showcase their alcohol problem?

And look! I could listen to radio from London, Germany, the Vatican and Brazzaville. That's right Brazzaville, the Republic of the Congo.

Then Lorlita presented me with this:






Wait for it.....










Just look at it! Of course we had to buy it. It's a mushroom salt shaker that looks strangely like a penis. So naturally we had to put it in our pants, see:

Don't worry folks, it's only a 70s inspired mushroom salt shaker in his pants. He's really not that happy to see you.

So Lorlita, that must be why your still single.  

Let me know of your sweet thrift shop finds!

YDB