Gentlemen She's Straight Up Available

The other night my friend Lorlita came over to have some beers. We decided to play DJ and this is what happened!

Book Review Haiku: Chocolat

Book Review Haiku: Chocolat by Joanne Harris

"No he was praying!"
I think you should reread it,
That's not what I read.


Chocolat available on Amazon.com 

In Memoriam (well it's inevitable)

I love Polar bears but they make me sad. Every time I see a polar bear floating away on an iceberg I get a little misty eyed.

Well not so much for these two. At least they have each other.

Ok, this one is much sadder =(

Or this damn commercial:

It's almost as sad as this one about shelter animals (Be warned! It's sad):

I believe in Global Warming. I feel the strain humans have put on natural resources isn't helping naturally occurring cycle. However, this time around it is a problem. It's a problem because it isn't going to just affect wildlife, it's also going to affect people.

So fine.

The facts were altered to get a rise out of people. I work in advertising, let me tell you something, everything has been altered in order to evoke strong feelings to the viewers.

What baffles me the most about this entire Global Warming debate is: why is doing things to protect the environment such a bad thing? (Could it be money? I think so.) We should be developing alternative means of energy, engineering cars that have zero emissions, promoting recycling and cutting back on waste, carpooling or taking public transportation, using reusable bags instead of plastic, etc., etc. To me it's just common sense. But to those who have always disagreed with Global Warming see the revelation of altered facts as a victory. A victory to what?

Anyway, I won't fight you to the death about it. This post is about the cuteness of polar bears.

(The Benny Hill music begins to play)

So what brought about this Polar Bear montage? This cute story I Stumbled Upon on Helen's Posterous.

YDB

Insert Sexy Title and Steamy Nearly Kissing Photo Here

Last week I was walking around Barnes & Noble with some friends (Yes I am in there a lot, I know), when we found ourselves looking at an end cap display of Harlequin Novels.

Wait, rewind...

I want to make it clear that the publishing industry has coined the term 'Harlequin Novel' thus classifying these books as novels. However, I use the term 'novel' very loosely. I cannot, with a straight-face, call these books novels even though by definition they are actually novels*. I find it hard to put them on the same level as such great novels like Ulysses, The Great Gatsby, or Dr. Zhivago (had to throw in that wintry awesomeness of a novel for these snowy times the East Coast is living in).

*The definition of novel is as follows: a fictitious prose narrative of considerable length and complexity, portraying characters and usually presenting a sequential organization of action and scenes.

So if you are on the East Coast, a single parent (I think it helps if you are single parent, most of these stories involved single parents....interesting. Do you think it is a reflection of the readers?), and snowed in, check out these sexy titles:

I want to read about Special Teams Daddy.

A party-loving sports figure is not an ideal parent in Alexis Brown's eyes. Too bad quarterback Dan Delito is the only parent her niece has. Alexis isn't in a position to raise the baby on her own, which means she needs Dan's help. And that means she'll have to make nice with the unsuitable man. Fine.

Much to Alexis's surprise, however, Dan is good with his daughter. He also knows he needs help, so he convinces Alexis to act as a nanny until he gets this parenting thing down. And soon their uneasy friendship changes into an unlikely romance. But can a football player, a lawyer and a baby really make a family?

I like the seal that my tubby thumb is covering. I believe it says "Count on a Cop." He's not only a cop, he's also a bachelor. I wonder what he was doing before he starting seducing (what I can only speculate as) that lonely housewife. He's all sweaty. Apparently Bachelor Cop is a defense (against the dark) arts teacher and likes him some Margaritas (it's all in that link. Well not the dark arts part.) Someone actually called this "fairly intense emotional story"

Executive's Pregnancy Ultimatum. Gee I wonder what that book is about.

Flynn Maddox, the driven vice president of Maddox Communications, thought he was over his ex-wife, Renee. But when he learned that they were still married—and that she was trying to have his baby—he realized he had never stopped wanting her. It was time to put his fierce negotiating skills to good use. He would give her the baby she so desperately wanted…but not without getting her to sign off on some terms of his own.

It was exactly what I thought it was about. I wouldn't even pay $3.40 for this drivel.

Hehehe this one always makes me laugh.

One night Infamous Italian millionaire Gabriel Danti was renowned for his prowess in the bedroom - and Bella Scott was unable to resist the overwhelming temptation of the night he was offering... One baby Five years on, Bella is living alone, carving out a life for herself and her little boy. She never thought she'd see Gabriel again... One marriage Physically, Gabriel has changed. His dark, dangerous looks are marred by scars that are the result of an accident. But his desire for Bella hasn't waned - he wants her more than ever now that he knows he has a son.

I bet she is naked under that trench coat!

Kate Cooper cut all ties to her NYPD precinct and dumped her cheating fiance. Jay Savage has gained custody of his teenage nephew and needs a stable job yesterday.When both are offered the only available position at the Fox & Fisher Detective Agency, the obvious solution is to pit seasoned pro against amateur sleuth. And may the best investigator win. But what happens when this professional competition gets personal? There's no denying the attraction between these adversaries, but they have different dreams for the future. There's more on the line than a simple career change. In this contest, they're playing for the heart.

So Frankie went to Hollywood. Relaxed. And now is back. Nah, it's probably not about the return of that One-Hit Wonder, but it would be funny if it were.

Doesn't take much to start the talk in this town. And no one knows that better than Francesca Raffa. Once the town's rebel and favorite topic of conversation, she's returned home a responsible single mom and respectable executive. Nothing to whisper about here. That is until police chief Jack Sloan pays her a visit—or three. Suddenly the rumor mill is spinning with speculation about exactly what is going on between Francesca and Jack. Some think she's the prime suspect in a criminal investigation. And others…well, they think there's something a little more intimate happening. If the heated looks Jack sends Francesca's way are any indicator, that second group might be closer to the truth!

If you truly wish to read any of these 'novels,' click the image and it will take to you a site you can buy them. God Speed. And yes, I will look down on you and laugh if I ever see you reading them.

Public Discomfort: A former Solid Gold Dancer

Unfortunately, the gold Lamé jacket clashes with the white sweat socks. However, that black Beret really does bring the entire ensemble together.

Public Discomfort: Vampires, Per se

at barnes & nobles in deptford, nj:
tween gf to tween bf: we neeeeeeeeed to see new moooooon!
tween bf: noooooo, we don't.
tween gf walks away in a huff.

Public Discomfort: Kate had to get a real job.

Well lookie here! It's Kate Gosslin on the Broad Street Line.....

Oh, wait. Nevermind, it's just an idiot with her hair cut.