Book Review Haiku: Snuff

Book Review Haiku: Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk

 Tale of Two Titties

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

it is still my fav 

Wanna read more amazing porn titles! Ever wonder what happens backstage at gang bang? Pick up Snuff at Amazon. It's a quick and easy read. But be warned you will chuckle with every great title.

Public Discomfort: In-d-pen-dant

Look who I found riding on PATCO this week, Betsy Ross! The bitch was late to work. That flag ain't gonna sew itself. Who knew she was so ahead of her time: duffel bag, long johns under her gown, bobby pins, and orthopedic shoes! Glad to see Philly is keeping it real.

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Book Review Haiku: The Reader

Book Review Haiku: The Reader by Bernard Schlink

Simple writing of

child molestation

made me feel dirty

Buy the book, it's a quick and easy read!

Too lazy to read? If so that's pretty sad! I'm a slow reader and I was able to turn this shit out in a week! But anyway. Too busy to read, then buy the film. There is a lot (*wink, wink*) of Kate Winslet in this movie so the dudes are bound to L.O.V.E. it

Public Discomfort: It was wet and wild.

In the hospital waiting room - "he's taking waaaaaaay to many enimas. way too many. oh lord. and laxatives too, honey"

Totally Tase him, Bro!

I am sure as everyone knows by now, both locally and nationally, a 17 year old was tasered at a Philadelphia Phillies game this past week after jumping a fence and running around the outfield.

The police commissioner said, after an investigation into the incident, that the officer acted within protocol. I completely agree and here are my reasons:

1) Running on a field during the game is frowned upon at any ball park. The Kid is "being charged as a juvenile for resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and defiant trespass."* See!

2) I am sure the police officer informed the Kid to "Stop" prior to firing the taser. I doubt very much that nothing was said prior to the firing. I believe that if a police officer tells you to stop and you don't that qualifies as evading the police. If you are evading the police, the officer has a right to bring the criminal into custody either by running him down, tasering him, or shooting him.

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Also if you watch the video, the Kid clearly sees the cop chasing him with his taser drawn and purposefully changes directions. He should have stopped but didn't. If he would have stopped running and put his hands up then he wouldn't have been tased (if he would have been tased after stopping and surrendering then, yes, it would have been excessive use. But, no, he was still running from the police when he was tased.)

3)  Luckily none of our players were in danger, but the police and security on the field at the time did not now that. If this kid did have malicious intentions and acted violently towards a player or Citizen's Bank staff and guests, and the officer only chased him, then everyone would be crying that the officer didn't do enough.

I think it is more disgraceful that people are booing a police officer for doing his job and keeping people safe. But, what else would you expect from sports fans who threw snowballs at Santa Claus? Again, no one knew what this Kid was going to do. Even though he was running around, he still could have had a mental disability and went crazy on someone. Or pulled out a knife when someone got close.

I will say that if the cop had shot the Kid with his service revolver then, yes, it would have been excessive force. Cops are issued tasers because (although people can go into cardiac arrest when tased) there is less of a chance of killing the criminal, or an innocent bystander.

I wish I could be on the jury cause I would totally send this Kid to prison for simply being stupid.

Because seeing people get tasered on COPS is amazing, I  have posted the clip below.




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By the way if you are interested in seeing snowballs being chucked at Santa, well video of that doesn't exist (stupid pre-cell phone era), but you see an interesting news report about it below. I am proud to call myself a Philadelphia Sports Phan (that's right, I used the PH!)

Philadelphia Eagle fans pelt Santa with snowballs @ Yahoo! Video

*http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Teen-fan-tasered-by-Phillies-security-after-runn?urn=mlb,238457

3 Faves of the Week

My Three Faves of the Week: YouTube Edition!


1) We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

I stumbled on this video a few weeks ago, and I am still singing. I find it strangely hypnotizing, and it's not just the "Gooble Gobble" chant from Freaks.

 

Let me know some of your favorite lines from Pop Culture depicted in this video? My favorite surprise, Grover as the waiter (and the always great "I want to go to there")!

 
2) The opening credits to Watchmen

I have yet to see this film, but a friend of mine brought the opening credits to my attention. I am sure most of you have already seen the clip, but it's just too well executed that I must share it here. To me it is a perfect example of how film credits should be treated! If filmmakers are going to run them separate from the film, then they should be used to draw the viewers attention into the film, get them curious and excited about what they are about to experience.

From the cinematography to the historical references to the excellent use of Bob Dylan's Times They Are a Changin' (one of my favorite Dylan song), these credits actually have me excited to see what the movie is all about (regardless of how bad people tell me it is.)

Unfortunately the embedding has been disabled, but you can view it at the link below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrVZV__w500

 

3) 70 Million by Hold Your Horses

Maybe I am just a nerdy art student, but I love everything about this video! Can you name all of the painting use?

A little aside: 70 Million reminds me of those fabulous Kindle commercials:



and

And now for the shameless product placement!

Wanna by be freaked out by Browning's classic Freaks!  You can pick it up on Amazon (along with any other movie/TV show you saw in "We Came We Saw...")












 Do one step better than me and watch Watchmen, then you can tell me what you think (or I could just bum it off of you. I'll return it. Promise!)












 Don't you just love 70 Million by Hold your Horses? Buy the download from Amazon so you can rock out to it on your iPod!













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Alice in Underland?

I saw Alice in Wonderland on it's opening weekend. My intentions going into the film was to write about it immediately following the viewing, but I left the theater "curiouser and curiouser."

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I needed this film to sit and ferment in my mind before I could write about it. I had expected to LOVE it. Going in it had all of the ingredients of a perfect film for me: Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, arresting visuals, and a plot that was reminiscent of one of my favorite movies - The Return to Oz. But after the final credit swept up the screen, I wasn't wowed or even completely impressed by what I had just experienced. I didn't feel as blown away as I did after watching the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

Let's just say: shock therapy, a talking chicken, a man wearing ruby slippers, and a witch with multiple heads. It's one of my favorite movies from the 80s. I will say, take it on it's own, forget all the awesomeness of the Wizard of Oz. It is a VERY different and strange film. Not many people like it.

Our trip to see Alice was a belated Valentines Day present from the Captain. We aren't ones to celebrate sappy Hallmark holidays, but this year I decided I wanted to go to the movies (something he and I very rarely do) to see Alice. It was an easy sell, primarily because the Captain still had a $25 gift certificate for AMC that he received as a Christmas present a few years ago (see we never go to the movies.)

2 3D evening movie tickets: Free (Thank you Captain's Godmother!)
Sign informing me "No Weapons Allowed": Priceless

We met fellow 3D virgin, Lorlita and had what the Captain liked to call a "A 3D Threeway." Classy!

Back to the movie review. So you were wondering what I didn't like about the film...

Firstly, I wasn't sold on the 3D aspect. Because of my actual glasses, the 3D glasses felt a bit bulky and were uncomfortable to wear. I found myself taking them off throughout the film to give my eyes a rest. Towards the end my eyes actually hurt when I blinked. Disappointment 1.

I also thought the coloring the film looked really washed out and in some scenes fuzzy. Having never seen a 3D movie, I didn't know if this was a effect of the 3D technology or if it were how Burton decided to film it.

With the desaturated look of the Pre-Underland scenes, I was really expecting the color in Underland to be mind blowing, similar to how Oz looked to Dorothy as she opened the front door of her dingy, sepia farmhouse. But it wasn't. Disappointment 2.

But what irked me the most about the 3D effect, was the few scenes that Burton added to remind you that you were watching a movie in 3D. A flower in the foreground that Alice's mother (or future mother-in-law, not sure) reaches for, a few scenes in Underland where something would jut out to the audience. I thought Burton was better than that. I thought he wouldn't resort to such sophomoric details. It's like "I get it. I'm in a 3D movie, things can jump out at me. Ooooo, how exotic." I'm not a 9 year old, I don't need tree branches "poking" me in the face. Disappointment 3.

The pace story felt completely rushed. It seemed no sooner they got you to Underland, the sooner they tried to get you out. Alice was working on a tight time frame, but the rushed pace seemed to be due to editing and not the storyline. I wanted to take my time with the movie and enjoy the sets, costuming, and characters like Burton did with Edward Scissorhands. You felt like you were part of that no name town and that you cared what happened to Edward and his adoptive family. Not so with Alice. By the end of the film I felt no real connection with her nor did I care about the fate of Underland. Disappointment 4.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a true film buff. I couldn't tell you while watching a movie if it was shot on traditional film or digital. Or if the cinematographer also worked on such and such a film. But I do see a lot of films, stay up-to-date on the entertainment industry, and know the works of directors/actors fairly well. And I do appreciate the talent that goes into movie making. So to help nurture my quest for useless knowledge entertainment by subscribing to a number of film review podcasts, most notably Scene Unseen (which I am sad to say is no longer recording. Please come back Chris and Jimmy!). More recently, I have started listening to Filmspotting. If I am going to be honest it is not as good as Scene Unseen, but they brought up an interesting idea in their review of Alice in Wonderland which I will leave you with:

If you heard that it was going to be released in 1994 (after Beetlejuice) with Winona Ryder playing Alice and all of the characters in Wonderland were made using the same-stop motion technology used in Beetlejuice, would you feel differently?

Think about it.


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Dorothy, saved from a psychiatric experiment by a mysterious girl, is somehow called back to Oz when a vain witch and the Nome King destroy everything that makes the magical land beautiful.

And watch out for the WHEELERS!