I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit E

In my 3 Faves of the Week, I mentioned how much Popi loves to go out for ice cream. I told you about the amazing milkshake I had (honestly I still have dreams about it) but I left out a key part of the story:

That night during dinner Popi turned to me and said, "So are we going out tonight?"

"I don't know, I just got home (I turn to look at the clock and see it's quarter after 8 and cringe) and I am pretty tired," I replied in between bites of my dinner.

"Let's go get ice cream? I can go for a sundae."

I looked at him and he had his signature goofy smile on his face and I melted. What's one quick ride to get him a sundae? So I told him that while I finished dinner, he should get dressed and get ready to go, and we'll leave as soon as I'm done.

Although I knew Nifty Fifties was going to packed with middle and high school kids with no jobs but a piss load of money to spend (oh, and a fancy car to drive), I decided we should go there so I can at least get a cup of coffee (getting a milkshake was the furthest thing on my mind.)

The entire 2 minute ride from my house, Popi went over the menu in his head and decided, "I think I'll get 1 scoop of strawberry ice cream."

"Whatever, you can get what you want, I'm paying. You just have to leave the tip," I said.

Luckily we are able to get counter seating.

I usually don't like a counter but I hate to take a table and only order a cup of coffee and a single scoop of ice cream. Sitting at the counter with Popi is an interesting experience. He turns into a kid in a candy store and wants whatever passes by him even if he doesn't know what it is.

After seeing a huge sundae go by with whip cream and wet walnuts he quickly changed his mind. He wanted that!

When the waitress showed up to take our order, he proceeded to order a glass of Root Beer.

Telling the waitress we needed another minute, I turned and looked at him (in the same manner that Jerry looks at Kenny in The Soup episode) with wild eyes and an exasperated look and said, "A Root Beer! ha-ha-I-don't-think-so Bania. That wasn't part of the deal. You have to get ice cream. If you wanted a soda I could've taken you to WaWa."

"But I don't really want ice cream, I just wanted to go out. We'll go out for ice cream next week."

"You're getting ice cream even if we have to take it home," I said laughing at the Seinfeldness of it.

The Soup
Season 6, Episode 7
Original Air Date: November 10, 1994

Waiter: have you decided? ...
Jerry: I’ll have the salmon.
Waiter: And you?
Bania: Ahh, you know what I think. I’m just going to have soup. Yeah, I’ll save the meal for another time.
Jerry: Another time? What other time?

So the waitress comes back and I ordered him a strawberry sundae fully loaded with the works and a Chunky Monkey milkshake for myself. Before the waitress left he grabbed her hand and said,"Oh and a nice cold Root Beer."

And do you know what?! That bastard ate the entire sundae and left the Root Beer.

YDB

I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit D .2

The Pool Guy
Season 7, Episode 8
Original Air Date: November 15, 1995

This is more like a Seinfeld coincidence than an actual event in my life, thus the ".2" title.

Two months ago I was forced to join a new health club. After much research and a few gym tours, I decided to join The Sporting Club at The Bellevue. It's amazing and I am very happy with my decision (well, the $99 a month is a little rough, but it's worth it) it's literally two store fronts from my office and above my subway stop....Perfect.

Anyway.

The locker rooms are on the 1st floor and the cardio equipment is on the 3rd floor. Under normal circumstances I usually do a pre-elliptical work out by taking the stairs, however, yesterday I wasn't feeling too hot so I decided to hop on a free elevator. There was a poster in the elevator advertising a new class given by Ramon, a new instructor. Well, naturally the first thing that comes to my head is "To see Ramon?"



The class sounds really interesting and I am thinking about taking it. Knowing me I will go to one class then never go back. I guess it's a good thing he is an instructor and not the pool guy or else this might happen:



I can't wait for the next time I tell the Captain that I am going to the gym. I suspect he will look at me and say "To see Ramon?"

Your Daily Barista

I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit D

The Pen
Season 3, Episode 3 - Aired: 10/2/1991

In honor of my upcoming vacation at the Captain’s parent’s home (the Del Boca Vista of North Wildwood), I have decided to tell you all a little story about the first time the Captain and I visited his parent’s new home at the Jersey Shore.

It was the summer 2 years ago. I had just bought Bubbles Jr. (my lovable Beetle Turbo Convertible) and the Captain’s parents were nestled into their beach house for the past 3 weeks. One Saturday, the Captain and I decided to load up the new convertible (which we soon learned is not the best car for trunk space) and take a ride down to see the place. It was a scorching hot day. It was so hot we were forced to pull over and put the roof back up while we sat in traffic.

We pull up to the new condo and I was very impressed. Second floor with a loft and two decks, the perfect shore house. But something was off. The air conditioner was off to be exact. It was sweltering in that house. I remember looking at the Captain and mouthing “is it hot in here or is it me?” He looked at me and nodded in agreement. As we talked and discussed what were where going to go for lunch, the temperature in the house just kept rising. Unable to take any more, the Captain looked at his mom and said “It’s so hot in here, can you put the AC on?”

JERRY: God it's so hot in here. Why don't you put on the air conditioning?

His mother looked confused and said, (no lie) “You’re hot?”

The Captain and I immediately caught the coincidence and started chuckling behind her back (when you watch as much Seinfeld as we do, catching a Seinfeld moment is like picking up on a That’s What She Said. It becomes like second nature.) After helping shut all the windows, we notice his father at the thermostat muttering to himself “I don’t even know how this thing works.”

ELAINE: Mrs Seinfeld, please. I am begging you. Put the air conditioner on.

HELEN: You're hot?

ELAINE: I've lost 6 pounds.

HELEN: I don't even know how to work it.

A few minutes later we felt a nice, cold breeze hissing out of the vents. Sweet, sweet relief. (Your Barista is an A.C. All the Way kinda gal.) We were still sitting around the living room watching Cosmo play with his Stinky Frog and still deciding what to do about lunch. (Taking long to decided where and what to do, I have learned, is not unusual. One of the Capt’s favorite stories consists of a 2 hour discussion as to what to do followed by a cross-island bike ride to the place and it wasn’t even open.)

After an hour had passed and a decision was reached (The Wharf for beer and his dad’s favorite beach band Sindi Raymond - get it like Sin....oh middle age rockers, you're so clever!), we are waiting to for the Captain’s dad to get his shoes on and we notice his mom sitting on the sofa rubbing her arms for warmth. The Captain and I were trying our best to hold in our laughter. 

To be funny (and to finish out the script) the Captain said to his mom, “you can turn down the air conditioner.”

"No, No, I'm fine," she said.

[setting: still the condo, later]

(Jerry's gone scuba diving. Elaine is lying on the floor with pillows under her legs. Morty and Helen are on the couch, looking at Elaine. Helen is wearing a sweater and she's freezing)

ELAINE: Oh, oh, O.K. (Helen holds her sweater tight against herself) You can turn down the air conditioning if you want.

HELEN: No. I'm fine.

ELAINE: You're not too cold?

HELEN: No.

Thanks to this wonderful exchange, his parent’s condo has now lovingly became known as Phase Two at the Pines or just simply Del Boca Vista.

* To their defense, at night, that house is a frigging meat locker. I am talking socks and sweatshirts. I am convinced his mom drops that thermostat down to 60 at night.

** This past Spring, I bought the Captain an Astronaut Pen from the National Air & Space Museum. It really does write upside down.

YDB

I Live In a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit C

On Valentines Day this past year, my mom and I had a ton of errands to run. Romantic, I know. While we were out we decided to have a nice lunch before heading back home. We live off of a main road and have many eatery choices. Diners, fast food, chain steakhouses, and even a flashy 1950’s style soda shop, all of which were bustling with "day daters."

I told my mom that I would like to go someplace different for a change. She recommended a tiny Middle Eastern place in the middle of one of our older strip malls. She and my father had gone there a few times and had a nice experience. Anyone who knows me, know that I love supporting local businesses. So naturally, I was all for it. I should say that when my parents first told me about it. I thought “A Middle Eastern restaurant in TWP? Really? Well this isn’t going to last. I can’t image any of these soccer moms eating falafels.”

Cinderella Sababa is an unassuming restaurant that opened a few years ago. Not much from the outside, beige curtains in the window hiding the dimly lit dining room. Once inside you realize that it is the type of place that leaves the light off until customers come in order to save electricity.

The very enthusiastic owner greeted us upon entering. He quickly sat us at “any table [we] would like” and handed us menus. The dining room was filled with the most odd décor. For example the booth that we chose had some kind of out door wrought iron terrace made for outdoor use. I couldn't help but think, "this place needs a little bit more of a Middle Eastern feel to it. After all it is the only restaurant of its kind in Township."

The owner was the most perfect realization of Babu Bhatt from Seinfeld. He was sweet, accommodating. He asked us what we liked and pointed out the house specialties. He was also very complementary to my mother and I, telling us how beautiful we were (I was secretly hoping he would say “You are very kind” but he didn’t.)

After we ordered our food: I had a mixed grill kebab, my mom a falafel sandwich. He insisted on giving us a sampling of our food prior to bringing it to our table to make sure it was to our liking. And I must say food was so flavorful and delicious and the Baklava - to die for!

When we left, I felt a little sad. I couldn’t help be wonder when his next customer would arrive, if ever. I felt so happy to support this local business I thought, “My mother was right, I am a good person.”

Here is the supporting evidence:
The Cafe

Season 3, Episode 7 – Aired: 11/6/1991

I Live in a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit B

Today for lunch I decided to eat something that I haven’t had since Christmas, a Cosi Signature Salad. I love those friggin things. Cosi, like most sandwich shops, have a discount/member card that you get swiped with every purchase. It keeps track of what you order and you are awarded points towards free food and drinks.


I lost my card. I normally wouldn’t be pissed about it; however, I had earned a free entrée. Since I had/have no money, I could have cashed in on that deal.

I only bring this up as Exhibit B on how my life is like a Seinfeld episode. You may remember the Festivus episode entitled “The Strike” where "Elaine's use of a fake phone number backfires when she loses a card that will entitle her to a free sandwich."*

Here is the supporting evidence:
"The Strike"
Original air date: Aired: 12/18/1997 - Season 9, Episode 10


Here is a clip to hold you over until find the actual clip.

Your Daily (and slightly broke) Barista

*http://www.tv.com/Seinfeld/The+Strike/episode/2406/summary.html
http://www.getcosi.com/default.asp

I Live in a Constant Seinfeld Episode - Exhibit A

Seinfeld is one of the greatest shows ever to be television. Their story lines hold true to this day, a mere 20 years later (the show ran from 1989 until is stellar season finale in 1998).

I, myself, am finding that I am living a Seinfeldesque life. Specifically, I am living the 4th season when George Costanza (who, funnily enough, resembles my dad: short, stocky, and balding) is living with his over the top parents.

Exhibit #A:

The other night I decided to make myself a sandwich for dinner. I opened the fridge to get the proper accouterments needed for building a sandwich – bread, cheese, ham, etc. It came to no surprise that there was a lack of bread.

I turned to my mom (whom, may I add, was cleaning up after a hot dinner she had made for my dad) and asked “Do we have any slice bread?" Then turned back to the fridge to see what other type of sandwich anchors I could find (pita, English muffin, hot dog bun). When none could be found I turned back to the counter ready to declare defeat. And that is when I saw her pull a knotted Wonder Bread bag from the garbage.

In all seriousness, she said “Here,” and tosses the bag at me. “I just put it in the trash, it’s still good. It was right on top and still in the bag.”

Here is the supporting evidence:
"The Gymnast"
original air date: November 3, 1994

I ate Cheerios for dinner that night.

Sorry for the short post today….busy as a bumbling, bumble bee at the office today.

Your Daily Barista

*Cast picture from http://www.sonypictures.com/tv/shows/seinfeld/