Book Reivew Hiaku: Bossypants

Book Review Haiku: Bossypants by Tina Fey

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Why is it so great

I can't seem to figure it out

I love Liz Lemon

Don't get me wrong, Bossypants was a good book. I really enjoyed it. The honeymoon cruise story was hilarious. What I can't seem to pinpoint is-what about this book put it on almost everyone's Book of 2011 lists? If someone out there has read this book and can answer my question, please do. 

They Spouted...About ME!

One of the best features in my local newspaper, The Cape May County Herald, is the Spout Off. The Spout Off gives a platform for crotchety old people, allowing them to voice their distaste for the community behind the mask of anonymity. 

Arguably, it is THE BEST feature in the entire paper. Well, next to The Grid.

Let me just digress for a moment. The Grid is glorious. It is the go to guide for Cape May County. During the height of the summer, it is a two page spread listing each bar and its nightly entertainment. I always say the saddest day of the year is when The Grid down grades to a quarter page in the off season.

But back to the Spout Off. To get an idea of what the Spout Off is, here are few of last week's complaints:

North Wildwood - Many of us locals are resentful of the Shoobies who are trying to take over over town. That is why many of us proudly display Dallas Cowboys or Pittsburgh Steelers decals on the back windows of our pickup trucks. I would rather support a team from anywhere other than Philly.

What this Spouter seems to forget, that without the Shoobies (Shoobie = a tourist) their City would be nothing. The Wildwoods were built by these Shoobies. Get over it.

Court House - Hey Dennis Township, enough with the ATV spouts already. Every week it's the same thing. Can't you start a new topic?

Those crazy Dennis Township people really hate ATVs! One week someone actually complained that the noise was damaging her newborn's ears. While the baby was sleeping. Inside the house. Away from the ATVs.

Wildwood - Mayor Troiano wants to fight property assessments that were lower and Commissioner Bryon wants to do a city wide reassessment which will lower all property assessments. Do they talk to each other?

Let's set the record straight. Mayor Troiano was thrown out of office then re-elected the following election. They have no right to complain. 

So imagine my chagrin when The Captain read this aloud:

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Holy crap, that is about me! ME! Someone is spouting about me. How could that be? I am a good neighbor. I am thoughtful when shopping in my local stores. I always put my groceries back in their proper place! I always hold the door open for these crotchety old people when entering and exiting Wawa. How could this be about me?

BINGO! Literally, it's about the time I played Bingo with my friends M and S.  

After our plans to play "cranes" at Gateway 26 fell through (I didn't get the memo that it would only be open on weekends) and with nothing else open, we decided to hit the local fire hall for its weekly Bingo Night.

It was in Game 3 that things got nasty and the true color of my neighbors came to the surface. All of a sudden M yelled Bingo! We were ecstatic-laughing and cheering. During our little celebration, the elderly woman in a visor/fanny pack combo turns to us and says "YEAH! Well I gots Bingo too hunny!"  

We didn't know how to response to that remark. The three of us looked at each other with that "WTF lady" look, went about our celebration, and collected our fifty-dollar pay out!

'Twenty dolla bills, ya'll!'

We didn't realize, until we saw the Spout above (a month later), that she meant she had Bingo on that hand. That's too bad. Guess she should have focused her energy on getting the attention of the organizers rather than pushing her negative vibes on to us. 

Villas - To the anonymous Bingo Spouter back in November: See you next week! GAME. ON. Bitches! 

Your Daily Barista

2011 GoodReads Book Challenge

Well I have decided to make a concentrated effort to blog again. Really for no other reason than to give me something to do.

Allow me to fill you in in what has been going on over the past year...um...let's see... yeah I got nothing. Since I am still out of (full-time or for that matter steady part time) work, life has become a cycle of bad daytime TV and pajamas changes.  Not to mention, Words with Friends battles with who ever challenges me (threepmcoffee)

With that being said, let us jump back in. Right into the deep end. Without even testing the water.

I am member of the social networking site for book nerds, Goodreads.com.  Goodreads wants you to challenge yourself to read as many books as you can in 365 days. Last year I had challenged myself to read 20 books. I was pumped for it too. All of the elements aligned: I was out of work, I lived by the beach, and I was given a Nook for my 30th birthday.

Here is a run down of what I read:

I know what you are thinking "wow that is an eclectic group you got there!" And you are right. I like all types of stories, genres, and writers. Not all of my choices were home runs (*cough* Interpretation of a Murder *cough, cough* A Desirable Residence) but there were a few that I really loved.

Columbine by Dave Cullen was heart-wrenchingly detailed.  I learned that a former drug addict and high school drop out Duff McKagan is an amazing writer (It's So Easy...) The Help was the story I didn't want to end. And Tucker Maxx makes me happy that I am not single (I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. I wasn't crazy about his follow up Assholes Finish First.) 

The last two book pictured above are cropped for a reason. The first is The Count of Monte Cristo. I made the mistake of asking The Captain what classic novel he would recommend. That book was crap. I got as far as the Count meeting the children of the guys that put him jail (which I didn't realize were their kids.) To borrow a line from my favorite stage play Amadeus, "Too many notes." Seriously.  I mean it was ridiculous. 

With my deadline looming and being stuck on this piece of crap for weeks, I decided to bail and start The Night Circus. I was so happy I did. I LOVED that story. It was so visually stunning. I would love to see it on the big screen but lets be honest Hollywood would just destroy it. Baz Luhrmann would come in and make it a shitty Moulin Rouge-esque musical. BLAH.

Sadly, I did not finish it before my deadline. In the end I only read eighteen books. Technically, eighteen and three quarters.

How many books did you read in 2011? Have any recommendations for my 2012 challenge?

YDB

P.S. - I have challenged myself to read 25 (eek!!) books in 2012. Tina Fey's Bossypants is the first one to the plate.

Thrift Shopping, Craft Making

A few weeks ago one of my favorite Bloggers, Claire, at blah to TADA spent a week making extremely cute cake stands out of miscellaneous pieces of china (that's her niche: making great things through the art of creative recycling.) I took one look at this cute cake stand and thought: 1) I could totally make that and 2) I can show it off at Easter Dinner (I was a first time hostess this year.) So off to the thrift shop I went.

 See how could I NOT make this! For full instructions visit her site!

It took me two trips to five different shops to find all the proper items to make my cake stand. I know what you are saying how hard it is to find 3 different dishes and some candlestick holders? Well it's friggin hard. Finding a separate salad size dish was near impossible. In order to acquire such a dish, I had to buy it in a set for five bucks!! Seriously, five dollars at a thrift shop is a bit much.

So here is my best attempt at my first Blah to Tada craft!

 

First I gathered all my supplies: Mr. Clean to wash the dishes and remove any magic marker pricing; ruler; pencil (which turned out to be a mistake and so I upgraded to a Sharpie); and of course glue.

Take Claire's advice and use Super Glue. I made the mistake of using Gorilla Glue, which (again) I forgot, does not dry clear.

  

Here were my final plate choices. It took forever to pick out nice plates that did not have a overwhelming pattern. The center plate (with the green trim) was my least favorite, as I wanted all the plates to have a sliver or gold trim. But in the end I really loved how the bolder, green border offset the more delicate patterns of the other two plates.

 

After making my measurements, I glued that shit together, using some of my summer reading books as weights. I should also mention that I used some fabulous cut glass candle stick holders as my pedestals. These were also hard to find pieces. Some where too tall, too narrow at the top, too wide at the base. It was very frustrating.

 

TADA! My final piece. It looks pretty sweet and I am in total love!  I just have to use some creative decorating to hide the icky, brownish glue holding it together.

 

While I was trolling the shops, looking for the right pieces for my cake stand, I found some sweet finds that I just had to share:

 

Al Bundy's couch!! YES! And to make it more desirable, there was plastic on it. 

Naturally, I didn't buy it but it was so hard to walk away

 

 O.J.'s Legal Pad. My question was who would buy this in the first place?

Thrift shops, where outdated program guides go to die.

 

Now I must say I totally squealed when I saw a Fiestaware box. My mom collects Fiestaware like a crazy person collects cats. But I was fooled by the Thrift Gods, it was simply an empty box. 

 

Who would read a book by Jimmy Buffet? He can't write a song, what makes you think he can write a novel? I tell you one group of people who wouldn't read it, Graphic Designers! There were typeface violations all over it. The culprit: COMIC SANS.

Have you made any fabulous crafts out of other people's unwanted treasures? Have a great Thrift Shop/Yard Sale find you just need to share? Let us know.

YDB

012: That's What She Said

As the plumber talks to my landlord about the piping under the house:

"Well the rubbers go bad sometimes..."

And when they do, you're gonna have a bad time! That's what HE said.

Have you heard any good "That's What She Said Jokes" recently? If so, share.

YDB

I am 'Boldly Going' there…Part 1

It used to be a secret, but I cannot hide it anymore. I am ready to admit that I, dear readers, am a Trekkie. I am a TREKKIE!

 

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I am in love with Star Trek the Original Series and all of it campiness. My love started out innocently enough: I was VERY drunk one night and the Captain and I caught an episode on late night TV (oh hell it was early morning, 2am.) I was amazed with what I saw: fabulous cardboard sets, high tech graphics, periods of great acting talent, and not to mention, sigh, William Shatner (I have a little crush on circa 1966-1969 Shatner.)

Now don't let my unhealthy crush on a now 80 year old man confuse you, it's not that the show is actually good. If we are going to be completely honest, it is just terrible. But what I do love about the show is its quaint views on the future.

The photo on the left is from a site Jew of the Day seriously, I couldn't make that up. Photo on the right source.
Who am I kidding I still love him, but in that I'm gonna 'bear hug you like you are my Grandpa' sort of way.

After watching all 79 episodes multiple times over the past few years this is what Star Trek has taught me about the future:

All enemies in the future will be some kind a of 'energy field': If you watch as much of The Trek as I do you will notice that most enemies in the future will be an "energy field." It may come in the the form of a hand that grabs your vessel, or a a blob of purple, blue, orange, and red glittery light, even appearing as the terrifying Window's Screensaver.  How do you combat your seemingly undefeatable enemy? The future's answer to everything: Logic.

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A strategically cut unitard will be the go to outfit for females: And with them Women's Rights will be set back a few 1,000 years.

The computer monitor will revert to a series of colored lights and buttons: For some reason computers will evolve to the point that screens are unnecessary and cumbersome.  All communications will come in the form of lights, blinks, and blips. The streamline look of all the computers makes me think that Steve Job's head is in a jar somewhere running Apple Computer in  the year 2266.  (Wiki)

There is going to be a planet made up of entirely of Nazis and one planet of 1920's Chicago: This is an idea of alien life is also supported by the writers of South Park: in the episode Canceled, the children learn that there are entire planets existing of single races, single species, etc.

And of course as a Space Ship Captain, you must dress the part:

These great photos were taken from the "The Many Looks of Kirk" article on IGN Stars website.
It's a very funny read, if you are so inclined.

Astronauts will not need space suits since all planets will have Earth's atmosphere The one aspect of Star Trek that is so prevalent is the idea that all planets have an atmosphere like Earth. Most of the time they just beam down without checking shit out. I guess the Trekkies will argue that it is just understood that, as high ranking officials of Star Fleet, the research has been done to ensure the crew's safety (well as long as you are not in a red shirt.)

Be on the look out for Part 2 soon!

YDB

011: That's What She Said

While helping my peusdo in-laws clean up the new house and prepare it for painting, The Captain's Dad said

"We are gonna have to really stuff it in that hole"

That's what she said!

Apparently spackling walls lends itself to a whole slew of TWSS jokes. I'm going back today to paint, so I will keep you posted.

YDB